In the first part of this series on Advanced Medical Directive (AMD), Advocate Shiv Kumar, who is a senior advocate of the Karnataka High Court—and also a member of Silver Talkies—explained the rationale behind this concept, that is useful for any person who wishes to continue a dignified life, and possibly death, in case their health deteriorates. In this second and concluding part of the series, we look into the ways in which the AMD can be executed, after it might be drafted.
An AMD can include the following clauses as conditions for the document to executed: artificial nutrition or hydration, comfort care, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), life-sustaining treatment, persistent vegetative state, terminal condition, transfer to palliative care or hospice, or use of ventilator.
If a person (who has created an AMD for themself and has proceeded with the steps to make it a legal document) falls terminally ill, or undergoes prolonged treatment with no hope for recovery, or if they are unable to make decisions for their treatment, then their physician needs to be made aware of the existence of the AMD. Advocate Kumar says that it is the onus of the physician to ascertain the authenticity of the document, and that the doctor is aware of the health conditions of the person.
Next, the physician must inform the person’s relatives about the person’s ill-health, as well as the availability of medical care, any alternatives, the cost of any further treatment and a realistic view of the person’s health. The physician should have themselves arrived at the conclusion that withdrawal of treatment is the best course of action for the person.
The hospital where the person is admitted should constitute a primary medical board comprising the person’s main physician, and at least two subject experts of the concerned medical speciality with at least five years of experience. This board must visit the person in presence of their family, within 48 hours of being constituted; this has to be done towards deciding whether the AMD should be executed or not. Advocate Kumar says that this step is regarded as preliminary opinion.
If the preliminary opinion is to effect to instructions, then the next step is for the hospital to constitute a secondary medical board, comprising one registered medical practitioners nominated by the chief medical officer of the district, along with two subject experts of the concerned medical speciality, but not the same people who might have been part of the primary medical board. Advocate Kumar says that this secondary medical board should visit the person, and must ascertain the wishes of the person, if s/he is in a position to communicate and confirm that they understand the consequences of withdrawal of treatment. If the person’s decision-making ability is impaired, then the consent of the closest relative or guardian must be taken—who might be named in the AMD—to follow the steps towards withdrawing treatment.
If there is an agreement on all fronts, then the hospital must convey the decision of both the boards, as well as the consent of the person (or their guardian) to the jurisdictional Judicial Magistrate of First Class (JFMC).
But what if the secondary medical board comes to the conclusion that the person should continue their treatment? Advocate Kumar says that in such a scenario, the guardian of the person named in the AMD, or even the person’s physician, or the hospital staff, are entitled to approach the High Court of that state through a Writ Petition. Then, the Chief Justice of that High Court must constitute a Division Bench to hear the petition; the High Court can also constitute its own independent committee comprising three doctors from the disciplines of general medicine, cardiology, neurology, nephrology, psychiatry or oncology—with their experience in critical care and with at least 20 years in the medical profession.
Advocate Kumar reminds us that the AMD cannot be applied to the treatment that the person might be undergoing at that moment, if there are reasonable grounds to believe that the person had not anticipated such a situation for themselves, when they had made the AMD. Similarly, if the language in the AMD is ambiguous, then too it cannot be executed.
But what if the person who is terminally ill or is undergoing prolonged treatment with no hope of cure in sight, had not created an AMD? Advocate Kumar says that in such a scenario, the physician must inform the hospital about the condition of the person, following which a primary board—similar to what has been detailed previously—must be constituted. This board must discuss with the person’s family about their health condition. If the family gives the consent for withdrawal of treatment, then the primary board must take the appropriate steps within 48 hours.
Advocate Kumar says that there is still a gap in people’s understanding of the AMD—as well as among the medical community—and that it is important that people have a good understanding of their health conditions and the possibilities of deterioration. “However, it is impossible to anticipate and provide details for every possible medical situation in the AMD,” he reminds us, adding that the inability to accurately visualise pain, or even guilt induced by the family, or the reluctance to discuss death openly, are hindrances to creating an AMD, along with the possibility of its misuse. “It is hence necessary to have a dialogue about this with one’s family, and create the AMD when a person’s cognitive abilities are still healthy. Also remember that an AMD can be revoked, if there is any doubt whatsoever.”
Reading is not only a habit that allows us to expand our information and know more about the world around us but sometimes we read simply to be transported to another world: a world of fantasy or perhaps to a historical period that we always wished to travel back to. Holding a book in our hands and turning over the pages as the distinct smell of paper wafts up to our noses is an irreplaceable feeling. However, physical books cannot be carried around everywhere nor do we always have the space to keep buying new books.
E-books have eased this concern by allowing us to read on our nearest accessible devices. Think of an eBook as books with text, images, or both, that can be read on a digital device like a smartphone, tablet, computer, etc. An audiobook (or a talking book) is another format which is basically a recording of a book or other work being read out loud, so that instead of reading, you are listening to the book. It is favourable for those who love listening to stories and would like to be entertained while travelling or even while performing chores. There are several apps where you can access audiobooks, besides multiple channels on Youtube. Moreover, both eBooks and audiobooks are often cheaper than paperbacks (paper-bound books), thus making them attractive options for all book readers.
When it comes to e-books, there are dedicated devices such as the Kindle e-reader which is the most popular option that allows a reading experience without distractions and advertisements. An Amazon kindle e-reader is a device that allows you to buy, download and read e-books from the Kindle Store on Amazon. It is designed like a tablet, and is only a tiny bit larger than your palm: it usually comes in sizes of 6-7 inches, and long battery hours which allows for a comfortable reading.
However, there are a lot more options you can explore on your phones and computers when it comes to apps which you can use for buying and reading new books. Listed below are some of the popular apps for reading, listening and buying eBooks and audiobooks. All you need to do is install the app you would like to use on your phone/computer and enjoy the vast collection of books at your disposal.
It is one of the most popular and widely accessible eBook apps with access to a vast library of eBooks. You can use this app on any device without having to buy a Kindle e-reader. Many people now carry the Kindle on long flights, instead of packing a book that weighs a lot and takes up a lot of space. Moreover, the light from the screen is not like the harsh blue-light of the smartphone; it is designed to not add strain to your eyes while reading, without impacting the quality of the page that you are reading. Some of its key features are:
Links to download:
This is Apple's native eBook app that offers a seamless reading experience for Apple device users. This is like Kindle, but is specifically for those who use Apple products, like iPhone and Mac computers. Some of its key features are:
Links to download:
Apple Books on the App Store: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/apple-books/id364709193
Audible is a leading audiobook service offering a vast collection of audiobooks, podcasts, and a wide array of other sound-based products that are called Audible Original (similar to Netflix Originals). Owned by Amazon, Audible provides a convenient way to enjoy books on the go, with options to listen offline (when you have no access to WiFi or mobile data) and across multiple devices. Some of its key features are:
Links to download:
The Internet Archive is a non-profit digital library offering free access to a vast collection of digital content, including eBooks, audio files, videos, and web pages. It aims to provide "universal access to all knowledge" by archiving and preserving digital content from around the world. This also means that some old websites that do not exist any longer, could be found through the Internet Archive.S ome of its key features are:
Links to Download:
Google’s e-Book app needs to be installed separately from Google Play. It has a vast collection of eBooks, audiobooks and comics. However, unlike Kindle which offers a small number of free books, not all the books available are free to read on Google Play Books. Some of its key features are:
Links to download:
A divine day trip to the temple town of Kanchipuram organised by Silver Talkies was memorable for our member Preeta. She shares her experience here. A must-read if you're planning a visit!
I'm going to tell you the story of a memorable day trip. The destination was the temple town Kanchipuram, and the agenda was to see at least four temples, visit a museum and buy sarees! On February 27, we started our journey early in the morning from Chennai and headed towards Kanchipuram accompanied by our guide Abhirami Shyla. Our first stop was breakfast on the outskirts of the city, after which we proceeded to the Kanchi Kamakshi temple, an ancient and beautiful temple. The temple is famous for its captivating idol of the Devi, with a big Sri chakram on the floor in front of her. The Alankaram of the Goddess was Saraswati Devi and she sat in a majestic but serene splendour with the Veena on her lap. Nidhi, who is the co-founder of Silver Talkies, had made arrangements for a special darshan so we were able to sit close to the sanctum sanctorum and peacefully offer our prayers to the benevolent Goddess.
Our next stop was the Ekambareswarar temple. The temple has an interesting legend associated with it. Once, Goddess Parvati playfully closed the eyes of the Lord from behind, just like children do. However, the world was immediately plunged into darkness as each of the lord's eyes are the sun and the moon that power the world. Since they were forcibly shut, the world was eclipsed and living creatures were unable to survive. In response, the Lord promptly ordered Devi to live on earth as a human and repent for what she had done.
A repentant Devi lived on earth as a human. She made a Shiva Lingam out of sand and offered her prayers to the lord. One day, a sudden flood hit the region. Without any second thought, she embraced the lingam in a bid to protect it from the rising water. Impressed by her true devotion, Lord Shiva relented and agreed to marry her. The couple got married under a lone mango tree. The temple legend has it that this mango tree was where the temple stands today. You can see a remnant of the tree trunk and also a much younger tree now that has a beautiful idol of Lord Shiva and the coy Devi Parvati next to him. We had a special darshan of this sacred site as well.
After lunch, we headed to a saree shop where I gave in to the temptation of buying a couple of the beautiful Kanchi cottons with their vibrant colours and beautiful designs!
Our next stop was at the Kailasanathar temple - this is a very ancient temple from the Pallava reign, made of sandstone and originally had colourful carvings and murals with vivid natural dyes. Sadly, the stand stone carvings have eroded due to the passage of time and the effects of wind and rain. But we could still see the patches of bright colours in some parts. The temple is home to a beautiful Shivling. Our guide Abhirami guided us to structures dedicated to Lord Vishnu and the alcoves where one can still see traces of the natural dyes.
Afterwards, we visited the folklore museum, which was once the family home of Sir C P Ramaswami Aiyar, the erstwhile Dewan of Travancore and a statesman who accepted to be Dewan of Travancore on the assurance that the state would promulgate an ordinance to introduce Temple Entry for all Hindus, irrespective of caste. His first act as Dewan was the introduction of the Temple Entry Act, promulgated in 1936 by the Maharajah of Travancore. This was the first step taken in India to abolish untouchability by direct government action and was much praised and appreciated by Mahatma Gandhi. The house has been preserved very well by C.P. Ramaswami Aiyar Foundation, managed by a member of the family Nandita Krishna.
We were able to imagine what a typical Agraharam home would have been like in days gone by. The museum has a vast and diverse collection of Kolu dolls. There was also a zenana or women’s section in the house. In the olden days, this is where the women and children lived. They were confined to the upper floors of the house and communicated with the people downstairs through the windows from upstairs. The most impressive part of the house was the very beautiful pooja room and kitchen, which had utensils from a bygone era.
Our journey led us to the Varadharaja Perumal temple next, a temple dedicated to Lord Vishnu and famous for its distinctive ritual. In the temple tank, there lies a wooden idol of Lord Vishnu, intricately carved from a fig tree. The idol is taken out of the water once every 40 years and worshipped for 48 days with great devotion before being immersed again at the bottom of the tank. This unique practice left us in awe.
The entire experience of visiting these temples was unforgettable and coupled with the backstories, left us with a deeper appreciation for their significance.
I was fortunate to have a small group of delightful travelling companions -- Mr Iyer, who was witty and entertaining, and his sweet wife Girija. We were joined by Shobha Hebbar and her cousin Suchi and also fellow club members Rukmini, and Radha. As expected from a Silver Talkies club event, one of the organisers took care of everything. In this case, Nidhi ensured our comfort and arranged for us to have good darshans. We also had the pleasure of being guided by Abhirami, who shared fascinating legends about Kanchipuram that made our visit all the more special. By the time we left for Chennai, it was almost sunset, and we were tired but content after a day spent in the cool temples. We felt cleansed and rejuvenated by our serene visit to see these deities. We all agreed that we looked forward to more outings like this in Chennai.
The Silver Talkies Club organises day trips and travel to beautiful destinations both in India and overseas frequently. To know more or become a member, contact us at connect@silvertalkies.com or click here to view plans.
Explore Pottery for Older Adults: A Journey of Creativity and Mindfulness!
Pottery isn’t just for the young and agile; it’s an exciting journey for older adults too! Imagine this: your hands in cool, mouldable clay and your imagination running wild, as you shape it into something truly special. Pottery presents an adventure many of us have longed for, and older adults are enthusiastically diving in, uncovering creativity, relaxation and boundless enjoyment.
Why should older adults try pottery? Let’s start with the pure joy of getting your hands dirty! There's something incredibly satisfying about moulding clay into whatever you desire. From elegant vases to quirky animal sculptures, the possibilities are endless.
But pottery isn't just about making beautiful objects; it's also a fantastic workout for the body and mind. Kneading and shaping clay gives your hands and arms a workout, improving strength and flexibility. Plus, the mental challenge of turning clay into a masterpiece keeps your brain sharp and sparks creativity.
And the best part? Pottery is a great way to make new friends and build connections. Joining a pottery class means being around people who share your passion for clay. You'll laugh, learn, and maybe even share tips and tricks. There's a special connection that comes out of bonding over a potter's wheel and creating memories together.
But perhaps the most magical thing about pottery is how it can transport you to a place of pure calm. Working with clay has a meditative quality that helps you forget your worries and focus on the present moment. It's a refreshing feeling that leaves you relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the world.
Silver Talkies recently organized a pottery workshop for its members in Pune, and it was a hit! Amidst the whirl of pottery wheels and the squish of clay, members bonded over stories, laughs, and fun conversations.
“The pottery workshop provided a unique experience where I enjoyed crafting with clay, particularly enjoying the wheel pottery. The overall atmosphere was tranquil, allowing me to clear my mind for two hours,” Urmila Dixit, who participated in the workshop, told us.
Kavita, another participant, enjoyed the workshop immensely. “The pot-making experience was very pleasant. Making things out of clay is very challenging thought is an enjoyable way to pass the time,” she says, adding that to really master it, “basic knowledge along with the practical is needed.”
Recent research has demonstrated that art therapy which included pottery, helped to improve measures of self-esteem, as well as reduced depression and anxiety.
Like any craft, your pottery skills can get better with time after regular practice. Of course, be aware of any back pain issues beforehand and speak to your doctor before starting to avoid further pain. It is mindful, meditative, creative and a great exercise.
Got tips, tricks, or clay mishaps? Share them all here and join our interactive pottery journey!
LGBTQIA+ older adults face several challenges in an urban Indian society. Here’s their story.
"It is a stifled life, though it may not look like that from the outside. I don't really know a group of people my age I can connect to," says Smita, 65, choosing not to use her full name. A teacher from Goa, is a queer woman who has always hidden her true identity. She lives with her 92-year-old mother and has an excellent extended family grid, but most are unaware of her sexual orientation. Smita says she has "never really been out. They (her family) haven't asked, I haven't told." She was once in a relationship, but social stigma and the need for secrecy ended that long ago.
"Smaller cities in India didn't have the queer network and groups urban cities like Mumbai have now, especially in the 80s. I didn't dare to go against the tide. Now I read the queer discussion on social media with much admiration and wish I were born 20 years earlier instead of my 63 years on earth."
Data on LGBTQIA+ older adults is hard to find. 'An online survey of more than a million queer participants in India, carried out after the Supreme Court decriminalised homosexual activities, showed that almost 40% of the participants were aged 45 years or older, with almost 30% of this group married to women and 20% hiding their gay/bisexual identities from their spouses...' says the study' Psychological wellbeing of middle-aged and older queer men in India: A mixed-methods approach.'
Queer older adults are rarely portrayed, even on screen. The recent Malayalam movie 'Kaathal,' where Mammootty plays a closeted gay man, Sharmila Tagore's queer character in Gulmohar and Manoj Bajpai in Aligarh, are rare exceptions. While the discourse around the LGBTQIA community in India is unfurling and educating us, how much of it has centred around ageing? What are the main challenges a queer older adult faces in an urban Indian society?
The Fear of Loneliness
"The fear of being left alone is very high, more so in the gay community, resulting in massive mental health issues," says Vivek Anand, 60, CEO of Humsafar Trust. "One thing strongly lacking is an adequate support system for the older community. The moment you are ageing, you fall off the radar."
"This man from Punjab was thrown out by his extended family when he transferred his property to his nephew's name. He connected with us from Jalandhar, and we arranged for him to move to Delhi. At 68, this man who had remained closeted all his life for his family, taken care of his parents and extended family, was left alone and thrown out to fend for himself."- Vivek Anand
"We worry about who will take care of us if we get sick, and we don't have any support system in India to rely on. We don't want to depend on anyone, and we want to live on our own terms until the end as we always have," says Sailesh Thakur, 52, faculty of aviation and tourism at Mumbai University. Thakur, who never had family support, was involved with the gay groups in Mumbai and credits their activism and meet-ups for helping him gain an understanding of the LGBTQIA+ world. "That's where I found the courage to come out by seeing others, as I did not want to lead a dual life. I had the support of these groups and the people I met there."
Unfortunately, that kind of a support system is missing for older LGBTQIA+ in India, Thakur notes, making growing older somewhat scary for those without a regular partner or a solid friends and family network to fall back on. "As an older adult, I want to live a healthy life and stay mentally active. I want to be able to go to the bathroom on my own until my last day." Thakur has planned his savings and retirement and hopes these will see him through. "I hope my savings will last for 30 years," he laughs.
The Legal Lack
Having a regular partner and being in a long-term committed relationship can make growing older less lonely, though it's not smooth either. Same-sex marriages do not have legal sanction in India, with the Supreme Court declining to legalise same-sex marriage in Oct 2023.
Dr Roop Gurshahani and his partner Neil Pate have been together for over 20 years and tied the knot in London. Throughout their journey, Pate and his partner have cared for their ageing parents, managed both their stellar careers (Dr Gurshahani is a neurologist/Neil Pate is a senior journalist) and had the support of their family and friends. Despite this, growing older comes with enough challenges due to the lack of a legal sanction.
"In the case of LGBTQIA+ individuals, it's crucial to remember that, unlike heterosexual marriages that often lead to extended families and legal support through marriage certificates, same-sex relationships do not have those. In our country, same-sex relationships and marriages have not been recognised, and this has become a significant hurdle. Even something as fundamental as medical insurance is a challenge. For instance, both of us are doing well in our respective careers, but obtaining medical insurance, a simple necessity, is complicated. We can't get insurance for each other."- Neil Pate, managing editor with a leading newspaper
Pate has seen the loneliness and absolute isolation of many older adults in the community once a partner has passed on. He has also seen many being ostracised by their own family and society. He adds that these "seemingly mundane issues of insurance and legalities" become vital as one ages. "In the unfortunate event that something happens to either of us, the first person with the right to decide on our behalf, especially in a non-responsive or vegetative state, should be our partner. This becomes challenging without legal recognition. Additionally, for many LGBTQIA+ people, the support of extended family members is crucial in such situations, and it's not always guaranteed that someone will step in to help."
Smita mentions a heartbreaking incident. "Some years back, a friend of mine lost her long-time partner. They lived with their families but had been together for years. As her partner became frail and incoherent in the last days, the family took over and deliberately kept my friend away from the hospital. Ultimately, she didn't even get to attend the funeral."
Wellness Worries
Health-related worries are common with age, and the LGBTQIA+ community is no exception. "I can tell you anecdotally that in the last decade, HIV infection has been rising among older gay men. Negotiation for a condom is very low for that age group, especially among gay men married to women, and there is always this fear of being found out. That risk is on the rise, and as a result, the vulnerability to HIV has increased in the gay community," says Vivek Anand.
Anand says organisations like Humsafar Trust are very well-equipped to handle the issue. Humsafar Trust's data reveals that 95% to 98% of people who tested positive at their testing centre have recovered.
"But the problem comes with older men who don't want to acknowledge they have tested positive and go to a treatment centre due to inhibitions they grew up with. The older generation requires a lot of counselling, given the stigma, societal pressure, and embarrassment. So HIV is a rising problem among older gay men, and vulnerability is very high, contributing to mental health issues."
Dr Gursahani, Consultant Neurologist at PD Hinduja Hospital, Mumbai and an advanced care planning advocate, suggests that regardless of relationship status, an Advanced Care Plan (ACP) is important for the LGBTQIA+ community to have in place for end-of-life situations as people grow older. An ACP is a process to guide decision-making about your health care when you cannot decide for yourself.
Watch this video to hear his presentation that outlines it in detail: https://youtu.be/ifvQOGxSbPc?si=pUK2NVtC_rzYvquS (56:00 onwards)
One of the critical worries remains mental health as most 50+ LGBTQIA+ in India have grown up in the shadow of Section 377, which criminalised them, along with other challenges.
"The challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ ageing populations in India include limited access to health services, social challenges such as loneliness and isolation, difficulty integrating with the population, lack of social support, stigma, insufficient social services, and marginalisation, adding to the stress. Elder abuse is also a major concern. These factors make it challenging for older individuals to seek help when needed,"- Dr Debanjan Banerjee, geriatric psychiatrist and sexual medicine practitioner, Kolkata.
As everyone interviewed tells us without exception, the older generation grew up in an era that criminalised them and marked them 'abnormal'. It has been internalised to such an extent that many still hesitate to seek help.
The Ageism Within
Professor and ageing studies scholar Tannishtha Samanta from Flame University, Pune, points out that the LGBTQIA+ movement in India does suffer from an age bias.
"The movement, led by youth in metropolitical cities, has not been able to include the 50+ population as part of their activism. This is, of course, not a failure of the movement but primarily because middle-to-older queer persons grew up in a regime where sexual cultures were more stifled, both socially and legally. Hence, many of them led dual lives and continued with their erotic lives that remained invisible. Additionally, the gay movement in the 1980s received negative attention from public health programs due to the high rates of HIV+ persons in their community. This constructed their lives in the language of promiscuity and illegitimacy. The abrogation of Section 377 helped the younger cohorts, but it did not radically change the social lives of those in their middle to older ages."- Tannishtha Samanta
Dr Banerjee says few older adults are visible even at Pride marches. "Covert ageism is a vicious cycle in the older LGBTQ community. In a country like ours, there are already difficulties for the LGBTQIA population, and the social care services for older people are not great. This makes it a double jeopardy." The social stigma around queer people and sex above a certain age adds to this further. "Sexuality in older adults itself is a taboo and stigma. Imagine talking about sexuality in the older LGBTQIA population! Hence, a lot of issues, such as sexually transmitted diseases and substance abuse, remain unresolved as people do not approach health care because of this social and self-stigma."
It's unfair to generalise the dating scene for LGBTQIA+ older adults. We struggled to find women who would speak to us for this article. Nisha (name changed) mentioned that she had mainly been single after her partner, whom she had known since college, moved out. "I've managed a few dates, but dating remains tough for a 54-year-old single woman, gay or straight."
"The dating market for older queer persons remains circumscribed within the prejudices of age and masculine vitality. Our research on Grindr (a gay dating app) shows how older gay men navigate the online dating space by suppressing their numeric age and through self-disciplining exercise regimes (to look 'younger' and hence desirable) and outlandish sartorial choices to "fit in," says Dr Samanta.
But there's a bright side to it, too, she notes.
"Our conversations with gay older men in long-term relationships outside the Grindr grid revealed contrary narratives of hope and companionship. Some of them noted that their long-term living relationships with a same-sex partner were seldom brought under scrutiny since male friendships or 'dosti' are socially valued and approved!
Seeking Solutions
The support system for older LGBTQIA+ across India still needs to be improved. According to Anand, there are very few support systems like Humsafar Trust for the ageing queer population. There have been organisations like Gay Bombay and Seenagers, but many have fallen back on the advocacy angle. Seenagers was established by noted gay rights activist Ashok Row Kavi, though it has recently remained somewhat inactive. "However, we are now trying to make it an actual support group, where older gay men could have a network for healthcare needs through each other," Thakur, who has been part of Seenagers, says.
Pate says support groups for older LGBTQIA+ need to go beyond sex and relationships. "If I'm 78 years old, my needs in life extend beyond just the sexual aspect, though that is a biological need. I'll need a support system that includes medical assistance if I need hospitalisation. In the LGBTQIA+ community, finding someone to take an older adult to the hospital becomes a basic concern. You may have to rely on a kind neighbour or some close friends. However, your close friends may all be in the same age group as you, making the help uncertain."
Organisations like Helpage India and ARDSI Kolkata remain queer-friendly, inclusive, and sensitive. Dr Banerjee emphasises that we sensitise sex education, which shouldn't only be gender binary. He highlights the need to protect the rights of gender minorities, including the third gender, who also age over time. His work on transgender older adults during the pandemic shows the need for holistic care of gender minorities.
During her research, Dr Samanta has often observed how the non-kin family is an important element in the queer community and thinks they should be considered legitimate caregivers. "Many queer persons consider their lovers, friends and companions as part of their "chosen" families and rely on them in sickness and in health. Why can't long-term companions and friends be considered legitimate caregivers and receive benefits from the State just as those within the biological family are entitled to? Civil partnerships exist in many European countries and hold significant promise for a country like India, which relies heavily on the family or market provisions for care in old age, without social security and universal health coverage."
Sailesh Thakur would agree with her about the non-kin support system. Despite being a single man who does not have any support from his own family, he is optimistic about the network he is part of to see him to the end. "I have an alternate family -- good friend circle, both gay and straight, who I can fall back on."
Useful websites
If you thought a trek was challenging, try finishing the Land's End Sundae at the famous Ghirardelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Restaurant in San Francisco.
In the final lap of our six-month-long U.S. tour, we embarked on a memorable Sunday adventure in the enchanting San Francisco Bay Area, Our itinerary included a visit to Muir Redwood Park for a trek, a glimpse of the iconic Golden Gate Bridge, and a sweet stop at Ghirardelli Square. However, our trek at Muir Redwood Park was cut short due to slippery conditions after about a kilometre, forcing us to turn back.
Navigating through the heavy Sunday traffic, we were able to enjoy the breathtaking 1.7-kilometer-long Golden Gate Bridge, while moving, which offered spectacular vistas of the San Francisco skyline, Alcatraz Island, and the Marin Headlands.
Our next destination was Ghirardelli Square, a historic landmark in San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf neighbourhood. Originally a chocolate factory and the headquarters of the Ghirardelli Chocolate Company, it has transformed into a vibrant shopping and dining hub, boasting various restaurants, shops, and boutiques.
Navigating through the narrow streets of San Francisco, particularly en route to iconic spots like Ghirardelli Square, is an adventure in itself. The city's steeply inclined narrow streets and the sluggish pace of traffic can make the journey quite an experience. It took us a whopping 15 minutes to cover just 200 meters! Descending was no less of a challenge. It felt like descending a winding spiral staircase, slowly and cautiously manoeuvring through the blind curves.
Do watch our YouTube video of the famous zigzag drive!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdWSTL8KkF0
Travel tip: If you plan to visit on the weekend, be prepared for parking challenges. Luckily, the Ghirardelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Restaurant complex offers basement parking for its patrons. After parking, we soaked in the natural beauty of the surroundings, including stunning views of the San Francisco Bay, the Pacific Ocean, and the lush hills and mountains.
Our visit to Ghirardelli wouldn't be complete without indulging in their ice cream delights. My wife, son, and I opted for the World-Famous Hot Fudge Sundae with Vanilla ice cream, adorned with handcrafted hot fudge, cream, diced almonds, a cherry, and a milk chocolate Caramel Square, totalling 970 calories. My brother planned to share with his wife the 'Lands End' Caramel Brown Sundae, featuring a full-sized chocolate brownie, vanilla ice cream, and a generous serving of whipped cream, caramel sauce, chocolate sauce, a cherry, and a large banana, packing a whopping 1750 calories each. My sister-in-law insisted on having a full portion for herself and a cup of drinking chocolate (490 calories), bringing the grand total to 2240 calories.
What we didn’t know was the portion size!
Surprisingly, the 'Land End Sundae' proved to be an 'endless' challenge, and they couldn't even conquer half of the colossal portion. As for us, we valiantly finished our cups, refusing to let such decadence go to waste. What an unforgettable experience, brimming with exceptional entertainment value.
In contrast, at the table next to us was a family of four. Husband and wife ordered the Lands End Sundae and others ordered a cup of ice cream. The husband finished his platter and ordered a strawberry cone. Then he polished off more than half of the Lands End platter that his wife couldn’t consume. We were awestruck.
For those with health-conscious minds, a pro tip: Pair your Lands End Sundae Glutton Ice Cream Platter with a Diet Coke to strike the perfect balance between indulgence and keeping your diet on track!
Do you have a fun travel tale to narrate? Share with us in the comments below or email it to editor@silvertalkies.com
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well, and if you are a qualified subject matter expert, then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Please email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Musings on Karma’s action and its consequences by our member
Karma is conceived as mere action, but, in reality, it comprises both action and its consequences. Here, action includes thoughts, words, and deeds. Every action we take is like a seed that will produce results in our lifetime or future lives. We can't explain why actions have results or when they'll happen.
For instance, in a mishap, not everyone involved may face the same consequences. The concept of cause and effect governs our lives. In this sense, karma is a precise science, leaving no room for omission or error in karma accounting. Karma works over many lifetimes. The seeds of karma stay with the subtle body, even after the physical body dies.
There are three types of Karma, as described by Sri Sri Ravishankar Guruji:
1. Prarabdha Karma: Ripe karma about to fruitify in this lifetime.
2. Sanchita Karma: Accumulated karma acquired over various lives, yet to bear fruit.
3. Aagaami Karma: New karma planted, which will bear fruit later.
1. Law of Cause and Effect: Actions have consequences.
A woman in her fifties fell from her fourth-floor apartment window while cleaning it. She fell between the concrete wall of the party hall and the garden area. She missed hitting the concrete walls by a few inches. She broke her back and legs. She was in the hospital for many months and bedridden for a year. Despite the major injury, she can now walk without help. It's truly a miracle. So Karma works in a subtle way.
2. Law of Creation: We can create a brighter future through positive actions.
Example: This real story of Arunima Sinha is worth noting. She lost her leg and stayed in the hospital for four months. Despite this, she didn't feel sorry for herself. Instead, she worked hard and climbed Mount Everest. She received the Padma Shri Award in 2015.
3. Law of Humility: Avoid blaming others and accept faults.
This law warns us to be humble and not blame somebody for anything and everything. Like blaming the weather for some minor changes in weather as per nature. Similarly, accept your own faults and try not to pass the buck to somebody else to cover personal faults. to attract bad Karma.
4. Law of Growth: Karma can lead to unexpected heights in life.
In 1964, a middle-class family's oldest son, one of 12 children, got a job at LIC. He earned Rs.600/- per month after completing 10th Standard. This was a sizeable sum in those days. The family was happy when their son started supporting them early in his life. But, after working for 2 years, he decided to go back to school and study engineering. The family was hit hard by two surprises: losing their monthly income of 600 rupees and not having enough money to support their son's Engineering course. It was beyond their capacity. But the boy had a firm goal to come up in life. He received a scholarship and finished his Chemical Engineering degree. He ranked third in his graduating class, joined reputed firms and never looked back! This shows how Karma can also take a person to unbelievable new heights in life.
5. Law of Responsibility: Take responsibility for your actions.
In a house, husband and wife were frequently quarrelling due to an ego clash. After that, they were not on talking terms for many days. During a fight, the wife blamed the neighbour, hoping to win over her husband. Blaming others for misunderstandings or faults doesn't solve clashes between people. These fights cause a lot of negative emotions in the mind and this will have a spiralling effect on the health of those people. A prolonged harbouring of such bad emotions will also attract two major setbacks. When you have negative thoughts about someone, they can sense it and feel negative too. Negative thoughts can also cause visible psychosomatic issues in a person over time.
6. Law of Connection: Past, present, and future are interconnected.
This law is based on the idea that everything in your life is connected. It includes the past, present, and future.
7. Law of Focus: Remain focused on goals to avoid distractions.
This Law tells us to stay focused on the main goal and not get distracted by other things.
8. Law of Giving and Hospitality: Charity and kindness bring positive karma.
Offering Daana is held in high esteem in Hinduism and other religions too. When we help deserving people through our charity, we feel positive and blessed. It's good Karma. This does not need any additional explanations or examples.
9. Law of Here and Now: Living in the present relieves past negative thoughts.
Living in the present is a commonly advised principle. If we stay focused on the present moment, we won't waste energy on negative thoughts or events from the past. This helps us avoid hurting ourselves and losing focus on our current tasks. This approach also helps us be more vigilant in our daily lives to lead the right path.
10. Law of Change: Avoid dwelling on past negative experiences.
This reminds us of the dangers of dwelling on past bad karma or bad experiences. Such repeated dwelling on bad memories is likely to recreate the same past experience. This is another offshoot of this. We should practice shifting our minds away from such dangerous topics to avoid such mishaps.
11. Law of Patience and Reward: Persistence leads to big achievements.
We need to be persistent in our effort to reach the goal by performing positive karmas. A stray single thought cannot reach big achievements without concerted persistent efforts.
12. Law of Significance and Inspiration: Inner inspiration can lead to extraordinary feats.
To reduce bad karma, one can think mindfully, ask forgiveness, forgive others, stay fit, live in the present, and do duties without attachment to outcomes.
In conclusion, as the Dalai Lama wisely said, "Take care of your thoughts because they become words. Words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character, and character becomes your destiny, which shapes your life."
Remember, being happy is a matter of choice, not destiny.
Photographs courtesy: Unsplash & Pixabay
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Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published in our digital magazine. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Intergenerational dialogues rock our boat. And the ramp too! Here’s all about collaborating on fashion between generations at our upcoming mega event — Samvaad: Let’s Get Social 2023!
Ravi Acharya never quite thought he would find himself walking down the ramp in a fashion show. But he is all set to do that this Saturday, as Silver Talkies celebrates Samvaad- Let's Get Social 2023. Samvaad is a unique event that brings together members of the Silver Talkies Club and the younger generation. The event focuses on active ageing and cooperation between different generations.
What made Ravi agree to a ramp walk? His candid reply is that with fewer inhibitions and a lifetime of learning, why not try this out too? Ravi is no stranger to intergenerational associations, having been part of a social movement with many youngsters in his neighbourhood. Many members of The Silver Talkies Club, like Ravi, are trying new experiences at Samvaad. They are participating in a fashion show, a musical extravaganza, an art show, a dance, and a theatre performance.
WHAT IS SAMVAAD- LET'S GET SOCIAL 2023
The theme of World Elder’s Day 2023 (which was on Oct 1) is "Fulfilling the Promises of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights for Older Persons: Across Generations." By the mid-2050s in India, we will have more people aged 65 and above than those under 15. SAMVAAD -- Let's Get Social 2023 will present talented seniors from the Silver Talkies Club, working with the youth in an attempt to change mindsets and turn stereotypes on their heads.
One of the highlights at Samvaad is the fashion show called Journey Back to Youth. In this show, members of the Silver Talkies Club will walk the runway, styled and choreographed by students from the JD School of Design powered by JD Institute of Fashion Technology. This special show tells the story of life, featuring the best of each life stage and their values. It shows how each generation adapts to the present. With stylists and designers of today and models who have gained all the wisdom of the world, this show is definitely one of a kind.
Homai Baria, an enthusiastic Silver Talkies Club member from Chennai is all set to twirl on stage, something close to her heart from the younger days. Homai's first feel of fashion was at 18, when she was "full of josh" and went for an evening outing with a cousin after visiting the beauty parlour. "I was wearing a pretty mini dress, high heels, matching earrings and accessories. We danced away the night and I felt on top of the world," Homai says. Since then, the vibrant grandmother, dancer and actor has not consciously followed fashion but has always been aware of the trends. Kurtas, midi dresses and churidars were her regular wear, much like Mumtaz, her fashion icon of that time.
"Mumtaz's beehive hairdo, churidars and short tops and dupattas were the rage of that time."- Homai Baria, Silver Talkies Club member
Ravi found one of the students he was working with resonating his own interpretation of fashion or at least personal style. "The student admired her grandmother's fashion sense and loved her neat and crisp cotton sarees." It reminded Ravi of the habit of neatness he inherited from his own father, a well-groomed gentleman, whose way of being immaculately dressed had a deep impact on his own life."
For stylist Anshul Rander too, the older generation has been an inspiration. "My grandmother has been a great inspiration throughout my life, influencing my fashion choices as a child, and even encouraging me to pursue fashion designing. Even at the age of 85, she was perfectly skilled in threading a needle and stitching or making amends in older garments. Upcycling is a very important value I've learnt from her," Anshul says.
Suma M, Academic Manager, JD School of Design powered by JD Institute of Fashion Technology, says the highlight of the event is the focus on the seniors who are illustrating the beauty of intergenerational connections. "In today’s time, every group of elderly is becoming fashion forward and have a deep inclination towards technology. Be it asking gazillion questions about mobile phones, smart watches or TV to their kids or grandkids or learning to experiment with their outfits and style by imbibing the energy of youngsters, the elderly population shows the impact that today’s generation is making and how the learning channel is both ways."
"In a world often divided by generational gaps, this fashion show fosters empathy, understanding, and shared experiences that break down the barriers, and showcase how we are all connected, regardless of our age.”
- Suma M, Academic Manager, JD School of Design powered by JD Institute of Fashion Technology.
Being understood by the younger generation boosts energy levels and broadens horizons. During SAMVAAD-Let's Get Social 2023 preparations, it was fascinating to hear stories of participating members adding new words to their vocabulary, such as "Bumble", during rehearsals with young professionals. SAMVAAD means "conversations." Silver Talkies created SAMVAAD for meaningful conversations that promote awareness, exclusivity, and inclusion. SAMVAAD- Let's Get Social 2023 is an opportunity for two generations to come closer, collaborate and in the process, gain empathy and compassion towards each other.
- Nidhi Chawla, CEO & Co-Founder, Silver Talkies
"I really feel fashion is what you make of it," says Homai, who loves all things bright and beautiful and celebrates age and the opportunities it has brought her, very often through the bonds she shares with younger people around her. There couldn't be a better summary for this vibrant intergenerational event than that.
We hope you are going for Samvaad-Let's Get Social 2023. Share the joy with us by posting your thoughts about the show here or on our social media page!
Our ongoing series on Dementia resources and expert guides on how they can help both persons with dementia and the caregiver.
My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, and I am not able to cope with the diagnosis. I constantly worry about her, and I am overwhelmed and confused when it comes to planning her long-term care.
My husband wants to go out at odd hours. If I say no, he gets upset, and we argue a lot. How do I deal with him?
My mom doesn’t seem to be interested in any activities. I have bought puzzles, art kits, books, but nothing seems to interest her, even the television.
My wife keeps asking the same questions again and again, and even when I answer her, she does not stop asking questions. This has started frustrating me.
I am caring for my father, and I have a full-time job and family to look after. I am exhausted, and this is taking a toll on my health.
These are some common comments and questions Amrita Patil Pimpale, founder of Echoing Healthy Ageing (EHA), a social enterprise working in the Dementia care sector has heard over the years. Mumbai-based Echoing Healthy Ageing offers home-based therapies for the elderly with cognitive impairment, counselling, and dementia care training for family caregivers and professionals. "Dementia affects 7.4% of India's population above 60 years, with approximately 88 lakh Indians impacted. Training workshops educate attendees about leading causes, detection, diagnosis, prevention, and effective caregiving for dementia patients," Amrita adds.
A lot of caregivers wonder if they would have time for workshops in an already packed life. But taking out time may help in the long run. At EHA, the sessions are usually three hours long. They are helpful for family and friends of people with dementia who may not have much experience with it. The suggestions are practical. They focus on using the available resources effectively. You can use what you learn to train the caregiver at home or care for your loved one in a facility.
EHA also runs a Memory Cafe, one of the rare few in the country. Memory Cafes are common in the West. They use art and music therapy to stimulate the mind. Seniors and caregivers can enjoy a safe and cosy environment there. The aim is to assist individuals with dementia and their caregivers to connect and decrease loneliness and isolation. This is done by spending time with others in a similar setting. The activities are aimed at relaxation and having fun.
What is a Memory Café?
A memory café is a monthly gathering of individuals with memory loss, their caregivers, or friends and family in a safe, supportive, and engaging environment. You can make friends and interact without worry. Around the world, Memory Cafes are places where people can socialize and chat. Some also offer activities like art, music, crafts, and writing. Others may include an educational component; speakers are brought in to provide resources. Most meet once or twice a month for an hour or two to allow members to get to know one another.
In the late 1990s, Bère Miesen, a Dutch psychiatrist, created the first memory café in the Netherlands. The café raises awareness and fights stigmas linked to dementia. It also offers support for patients and their caregivers.
Dave Weidderich says the concept came to the US in 2008, after Europe. He is the founder of the Memory Café Directory, which lists and gives information about these meeting places. Memory cafés are not a form of respite care. Instead, they provide a space for caregivers and care recipients to socialize and connect with others facing similar situations.
Amrita points out why they're important. "Loneliness and social isolation are growing problems in our country, especially seniors. The recent Lancet study says that being socially isolated increases the risk of developing dementia later in life. The need for out-of-the-box thinking is acute. In fact, instead of only prescribing a drug for someone, doctors in the UK, and Canada are now prescribing social activities. They are sending them to the local bingo hall or museum, recommending therapeutic art or asking them to sing in a choir."
At EHA, Mumbai Memory Café sessions are for seniors to experience art, music, and reminiscence therapy in group settings. "We welcome people with dementia and their caregivers to our inclusive events. They can enjoy group sessions together, working on art projects or singing their favorite songs."
Are there Memory Cafes in other places in India? We found very few credible mentions.
The Friday Memory Cafe in Pune is an initiative of Madhurbhav, which runs a care home for senior citizens. The Udbodh Project in Kochi also offers a Dementia Memory cafe as part of its activities. You can look up dementia resources across India by clicking here.
How do these resources help the person with dementia and the caregiver?
Memory cafes and training can help not just the person with dementia but also the caregiver.
"Caregiver education is crucial due to the diverse nature of dementia. Families need practical insights and support to handle the challenges effectively. Compassion fatigue and unpredictability in caregiving emphasize the need for training and support groups. Untrained caregivers can inadvertently provide inferior care, leading to violence, neglect, hygiene issues, poor nutrition, falls, and associated injuries. "Training can prevent mistakes and improve the lives of dementia patients," says Soumya Lakshmi, a Senior Gerontology Consultant in Bangalore. Soumya is currently writing a book called ‘Diary of a Gerontologist’.
"Dealing with dementia requires an understanding of its broad spectrum which encompasses various types such as frontotemporal dementia, Lewy body dementia, and vascular dementia. Each type has its unique symptoms and manifests differently in different individuals. Dementia doesn't have clear symptoms like cancer. Instead, it causes different behavioural problems in each person. According to Soumya, forgetfulness and memory loss are common symptoms of dementia. However, behavioural problems can vary from person to person.
During the early stages, behavioural problems can include eating, restlessness, and sleep issues. According to Soumya, it's important to know what's coming. Every day can bring new challenges and make people more vulnerable to compassion fatigue. Unfortunately, I have witnessed many families behaving violently towards their elderly parents due to exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and the erratic, hallucinating, and wandering behaviour of their parent, which is a very common issue.
Soumya points this out with reference to combating caregiver burnout.
"Combating caregiver burnout requires periodic breaks, governmental support, and well-being focus. Caregivers should continue their lives while receiving professional help and training. Caregiving training must encompass a holistic approach, integrating theoretical knowledge with practical experience. Social integration (as memory cafes may offer) and emotional well-being are key components to slow down dementia progression," she concludes.
If you are a caregiver, have you tried any of the above for your loved one with Dementia? Tell us in the comments below.
-- With inputs from Neha Kamalapur, who interviewed Soumya Lakhani.
Note: The cover image (courtesy Pixabay) is for representation purposes only. Memory cafe sessions are not necessarily held in a cafe. They can be held at a care centre, in an institute or any similar venue)
Tongue firmly in cheek, Yashpal Mehta humorously skirts around the garment that not only provided practicality but was also something that added to the charm of the Mumbai monsoon.
Many rains ago someone eloquently said, “ I shall make salaams at the sight of a skirt before considering the quality of the cloth”. The context in this famous quote is that a lady has to be respected irrespective of wealth, status and features. I am all for it, but where on earth is the skirt?
In the good old days, the first showers of Mumbai rains brought about a change in the wardrobe and presto, out came the skirt. The school teachers’ sedate sari gave way to a single-coloured skirt, and the staff at the office turned either to an A-Line or a pencil skirt to avoid getting wet especially if the commute was by the much-used trains. Wait for the evening and you would be greeted with a pleated or a bubbled skirt with tops to match. The beaches were dotted with sarongs and their ilk. No more dresses, and salwar kameezes, even the most down-to-earth girl would flaunt a flared or a circle for the entire four months of monsoons.
The choice of a midi, maxi or mini skirt differentiated the avant-garde from the daring. But did the skirt have a kingdom outside of Mumbai? I recall an incident during my internship days while doing my Chartered Accountancy which was both hilarious and worthy of narration.
We were asked to go to the Delhi office to complete an assignment with two other fashionable girls from the Mumbai office. The senior from the Delhi office was a married guy whose Gauna (a ritual in which the girl goes to her husband’s home) was still to be performed. The girls in our team wanted to shop at the famous Ajmal Khan Road Market and turned out in mini skirts much to the embarrassment of our Delhi colleague who refused to walk along with us and stayed ten meters away throughout the shopping sojourn. It became a classic humorous episode recounted in the Mumbai office for a long time. Well, not for all is the finery of the skirt.
These days, the ubiquitous types of denim and jeans are such a bane of fashion that I wonder what makes them so popular. I lament the lack of variety with complete disregard for the gender or size of the person wearing it.
But why are we even skirting the issue of appearance?
A young girl was once asked what she would like in her partner, appearance, money or status and her honest reply was appearance any time! I am the same.
Clothes maketh both men and women and if you ask me, nothing adds to a woman’s appearance better than the skirt. Sadly this time, it’s been a month into the monsoon and I have still not spotted the once-favoured and much-liked skirt among Mumbai women in monsoon times.
Photographs courtesy Unsplash
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
A passionate squad of seasoned cyclists and instructors, piloted by urologist Dr Ali Poonawala volunteer to teach the art of cycling to many, including older adults at the Bangalore Bicycling School.
When the ban on motorized vehicles inside the premises of Bengaluru’s green lung space Cubbon Park was implemented in 2015, an idea brewed in the hearts of Dr Ali Poonawala, Chidambaram Subramanian and Anil Kadsur from the Bangalore Bikers Group. Why not teach people of all age groups how to cycle instead? They came together to start the Bangalore Bicycling School (BBS) to provide training sessions and cycles to interested learners, including older adults, free of cost every weekend.
The school runs its sessions in three locations – Sadashivanagar and Begur on Saturdays and Cubbon Park on Sundays.
On a clear Sunday morning, I had a charming visit to Cubbon Park to meet the group– spotting cyclists, skateboarders, joggers, and runners outstretched in all directions. A quiet road near the Karnataka State Lawn Tennis Association in Cubbon Park led me to Dr. Poonawala, Parag Patankar, and a group of trainers and female volunteers from PedalShaala teaching learners to ride the saddle. PedalShaala is a free-for-all bicycle training program launched by the Directorate of Urban Land Transport (DULT) and Karnataka Bicycle Dealers’ Association (KBDA) in March 2023.
The oldest trainee for the day was Roshni, a 72-year-old Yoga teacher and swimmer. Despite the sporty accomplishments in her life, cycling jitters were not a stranger to her as she sat on the cycle for the second time in her life after a gap of 60 years. In two hours of extensive and heedful training, I saw a fervent spark reignite within her.
Roshni’s cycling dreams were triggered by her visits overseas. “My husband was against the idea of me learning to cycle at my age. He said no, you will break your bones. My family had all cycled on our trip to Amsterdam with 2000 cycles parked in that area. I was in San Francisco when I found out about Bangalore Bicycling School online. The minute I stepped foot in Bangalore, I met Dr. Ali and joined the school!”, says an ecstatic Roshni.
Saraswati, the financial head of a company, was in her fourth session. By now, the sessions had instilled enough confidence in her to scoot down the roads of Sadashivnagar.
“I never thought in my life I would do this. To me, it is so empowering that I can do this. The trainers took me as I am. Suma (her trainer) is so friendly and welcoming. I wait for Saturday to arrive from Friday night itself!”
For many older women, learning how to cycle is a way of empowerment and emancipation. For some older men like Dr Muni Swamappa, it is an attempt at rekindling his youth. Dr Swamappa is “75-year-old only” and has been riding his bike for over a month now.
The trainers at Bangalore Bicycling School apply several strategies in their teaching and follow an extensive 6-step process – mounting, dismounting, resting position, establishing equilibrium, scooting, and pedalling. The golden rule is to perpetually slant your cycle towards the left while landing and relaxing the foot after applying brakes.
The trainers ensure that every step of the training is completed to perfection and provide immense encouragement and reassurance for the trainees to persevere, no matter what their age is.
I was invited to a personal training session, where Dr Poonawala assisted me to strengthen my turning technique and taught me to perform the half-pedal.
How has learning to cycle impacted older adults?
Patankar, who has been part of the school since the beginning, believes that the introduction of battery-assisted bikes has proven to be an enormous boon for the elderly. Earlier older adults had fears of a decline in endurance while cycling. Patankar believes the electrically assisted bikes have significantly reduced that anxiety.
As for learning how to cycle, most older adults feel enthused about an activity that is considered unusual for them. In fact, he and the trainers observe that older learners learn very enthusiastically and are more ardent than younger people about turning up for class and putting in the required effort.
Most older students come with three primary fears – the fear of falling, the fear of derision as a result of social stigma around the elderly taking up any sport or activity, and the fear of not being good enough. The central motto of the school is safety – and learners are taught how to balance effectively and how to fall safely, should such a situation occur.
A standout memory for me was witnessing a touching exchange between the exuberant Roshni and an astonished onlooker who was around her age and peering at the learners. Dr Poonawala and Roshni warmly urged her to join them next weekend. The onlooker expressed apprehensions about her age and alluded that her saree may not be considered fit for sportswear. Roshni reassured her, creating a safe and encouraging space for the passerby to try something new –a poignant moment of bonding.
I’ll carry the memory with me for a while.
Connect with the Bangalore Bicycling School here: https://www.facebook.com/learncycling/
Cover image courtesy: BBS
Have you tried learning an activity at a later age? Share your stories with us in the comments below.
“Caregiving changed me, making me more honest with myself.” — An author shares her journey of looking after two super seniors in her life.
It's 12.30 am. I'm awake and alert on the attendant's bed in the hospital. An elder at home has had surgery, minor but painful given her age. She takes a frustrated turn to make herself comfortable and, hesitantly because she feels terrible about interrupting my half nap once again, asks me to call the nurse. I move to her side with an involuntary sigh that mixes many things — the twilight zone of sleep, irritability, exhaustion and guilt that I'm feeling these.
Instinct tells me she feels the same too, caught as we both are in a situation we do not wish to be in — in multiple different ways.
I became a caregiver some years ago to two frail, dependent elders now living with us. Almost overnight, my family's world became different. At first, I didn't quite fathom the depth of care and work needed to look after two ailing elders in a multi-generational home. Yes, I chafed at the life adjustments that came, creeping upon us in multiple ways we hadn't even imagined. But naively I thought, I could handle it all, without breaking a sweat.
I'm sometimes an impatient woman. But with caregiving, I discovered compassion and even patience by the bucketload. I discovered shutting out the world with headphones when I needed to withdraw from the world of instructions and demands and focus on work. I became kinder.
But I also found a side that I didn't know existed.
I was rude at times. Not to the elders but to others around. I was irritable. I often wished I didn't have to do what I was doing and cook what I was cooking because their dietary demands called for it. And very often, I let it show on other family members.
Who exactly is a caregiver? Is it a term you assign to yourself only when you feed, bathe, and care for someone with a debilitating, progressive disease?
Does the term caregiver apply when you have the responsibility of someone's care always at the back of your mind? When it impacts your decisions; the weight shifting how you live your life and choose your plans. Does cooking food to suit older, fussier palates, making neat packets of white-yellow-pink pills and labelling them according to mealtimes, supervising help, working the phones to organise and manage groceries, medicines, attendants in eight-hour shifts, count as caregiving? Do missed work opportunities you don't have the time to take on make the cut?
Caregiving is a sum of all those parts.
It isn't only changing the dressing or supervising medication or rushing to the emergency room when the elder experiences what feels like chest pain. It is the minutes spent on the phone reaching out to a doctor to discuss side effects of a medication, maintaining checkup schedules and blood sugar readings. Listening to a laundry list of foods that induce nausea-bowel movement-heaviness and mentally deciding alternate meals. Stepping in to change a soiled nightie with the utmost dignity and love you can drum up for both of you.
Caregiving is about stocking the fridge with enough tomatoes because the elders at home couldn't do without those and making sure the larder always has Marie Biscuits and porridge stocked. They need those too. It is standing outside the bathroom door because the person inside would feel worse if you stepped in to help but confident because you're on standby.
These are things you can't always hire for.
Caregiving is the minute details that carry little time and effort on their own but add up to a voluminous to-do list. One that never gets over because it's always getting added to.
Globally the burden of caregiving mainly falls mainly on women. An ILO study on the global care crisis from 2018 told me that women from Asia and the Pacific spent 4.1 times more on unpaid care work than men. It would take 210 years to close the gender gap in unpaid care work, the study said. But the burden of caregiving is also more than those numbers. It is in the frustration of missed chances and the constant exhaustion that comes with it, given that the back of your mind is always a stacked-up checklist.
Quite unexpectedly, caregiving has been my biggest life lesson. I thought I was a blunt person. Caregiving has unmasked me and made me blunt with myself. It's ok not to feel ok about being there all the time, I tell myself. It's alright to have compassion fatigue, it’s perfectly human to wish you were anywhere but here.
It’s imperative to wear your oxygen mask first.
I've started drawing boundaries with the household around me, making my not-so-soothing voice heard. These bold, demarked parts are still quite fluid because spells of dizziness, hypoglycemia, chest pains, stomach ailments or the emotional support a vulnerable older adult needs, don't go by schedule.
Caregiving taught me that what we need to learn is to understand our limits and address them honestly. It has taught me to ask for help and admit that it's ok to manage only till the point of my capacity. Sometimes the help you wish for isn’t available but asking for it aloud helps get some load off your chest. Of course, I still slip and fall through the cracks that are hard to claw out of. But more often than not, I'm honest about the chinks in my armour and unafraid to show them- to myself.
And, to an extent, even to the family around me.
It makes me human and perhaps, even makes me a better caregiver.
Image courtesy: Milligerova/Pixabay
Have you been a caregiver or are you one now? Share your journey with us in the comment section below or email us on editor@silvertalkies.com
Trainer, casting director Anita Mithra & actor, and model Kalpana Rao share some entertainment industry tips for newcomers.
Anita Mithra is a marketing consultant, trainer and casting director. She has been using theatre as an effective tool for training and interventions. As a casting director, she has been the starting point for many in the modelling, acting and entertainment industry.
Here’s a candid chat with Mithra on older people making their space in the entertainment industry.
Are older people getting more visibility in the entertainment industry now, especially ads? Does it make it easier for older adults to step in?
Yes, you will notice that in Indian advertising, dadis and nanis are all in demand now. But it takes a lot of patience and determination to get work. This is because people don't get selected just because they put their good photographs out there. The director has a vision, and the selection is done according to that. If the casting is for a family, for example, then everyone in the 'family' should have a resemblance to each other, and the choice would be based on that. The result must serve the script's interest in the film/ad and not the actor/model, no matter how good the photograph is. As a new entrant, you must keep doing auditions to find that break. So you must put yourself out there and keep trying auditions for various formats (films, ads, shorts) until you find something.
How do you do these auditions?
The initial auditions are done on your phone by yourself. It requires a little knowledge of how you should shoot yourself, the right lighting and a certain kind of packaging. Aspirants usually do these videos on their own. When shooting videos, you have to do your research and figure it out by trial and error. You need to learn gradually how to deliver in a way that the production agency finds it easy to understand whether you suit the role or not. Those kinds of things require practice and knowledge. Some people have it instinctively but most people need a bit of practice, which comes after a few times.
How do people circulate photos and videos?
Through social media. You can find casting groups on Instagram and Facebook. There are WhatsApp groups you can join. Honestly, I find the best way is to ask people, so if you have a fellow actor, ask them who they're dealing with, and send your profile there. It's a networking exercise.
Is this people can depend on for a second career?
No, you cannot depend on it at all. By and large, I would say 99% treat it as a hobby. It is fun. And occasionally you get some good money too.
What are the reality checks?
It's a very physically taxing profession if you do it full time. Because your shooting call can start at five in the morning and you sometimes go all night. So you have to be able to travel and stay awake and all that can be quite physically taxing. You have to be able to be prepared for all that.
Having said that, with the increased demand, many people are keen on this field. I’m working with a client, and for a shoot, they asked for six people last year, all older adults. This year the same client has asked for 18 older adults. I have sent them 80 options. The numbers should tell you how many people are available.
It is important to determine your worth in the market and establish a rate that is not based on your previous experience. If you were a CEO before doesn't mean that you're going to be paid more here. You will be treated as a newcomer. So you have to be aware of the market trend and adapt when it comes to money or long hours.
Remember that most production houses are poorly equipped to handle children or older people. They treat you like everybody else. So you have to look after yourself. You need to bring your medications along if you’re taking any; if you are diabetic and need to eat on time, carry some food with you. Self-care is very important. You have to be proactive but patient. You need to get used to last-minute requests from production houses. So you will need to adapt to how the industry works.
On an average, what is the money like for a newcomer?
Starting from around Rs 7000 for the day, the money could go up to Rs 25,000 for the day, depending on the shoot, work duration and other factors.
What is the age group that is more in demand among older adults?
I would say 60 plus because the directors want to see grey hair and lines. So a very well-maintained 56-year-old will not cut it if the role is for a sweet, older grandparent.
But age is not a bar to an inning in this industry if you have the physical capability. I have somebody in her 80s, and people love her performance. So it depends on the person too.
What are the upsides to a career in the entertainment industry?
You need a lot of patience and determination, but even if you do only one ad in your whole life, that experience is something you will never forget! You will meet a completely new set of people. The experience of being on a set is completely different to anything.
I would recommend this as a second-inning option, so long as you don't depend on it for your livelihood but as an add-on. Unless, of course, things are different, and you have managed to crack it. I’d say most enjoy the experience and let it be an interesting hobby.
Good to know: Mithra is the force behind The GirlsQuad- A one-minute theatre show featuring 32 women and 48 stories, where Silver Talkies Club members Jayanti, Madhu, Rani, Rema, Shaila, Shakuntala and Vijaya performed along with others. In celebration of women, the play explored senior women and their relationships with the younger women in their lives. Silver Talkies created an opportunity for its members who were interested in acting to participate in the same. To know more about what members can benefit from, click here.
Kalpana Rao, businesswoman turned successful actor, moved to Mumbai to create her successful second innings as an actor and model in her 50s. She had always wanted to be in front of the camera, so her confidence level was always high, and she decided to make the important but unusual move.
Here’s what she had to say:
Networking with people is what helped me find work.
There is no particular right way to approach casting agencies and model coordinators. Google search and scout Instagram and Facebook for casting groups and casting directors. Email or DM them with info about yourself and your pictures. Big names are obviously genuine, but that does not mean others are fake. Trial and error teach a person but do use your judgement.
Few things to remember: First of all, a person needs to have the passion and desire to be in front of the camera. Secondly, it's not a 9-5 schedule. They'll call for a shoot at 4 am and even 9 pm for a full night shift. We often have to wait hours to get called on set, so you must have patience. Use this time to network and learn.
There are no guarantees; this is one of the most uncertain fields. There are times I have gone through long stretches without getting any shoots. What one is supposed to do is network. It is what gives us the right contacts to get work but again no guarantees; it's a game of patience. Also, don’t hesitate to reach out and put yourself out there.
Kalpana Rao speaks on her career in the book Rethink Ageing by Silver Talkies co-founders, Reshmi & Nidhi. “If you are focused on something, then work towards it, despite what people say and don’t ever think of age. She now has several ad films and even roles in films with Shah Rukh Khan and Rajinikanth behind her. Find the book here.
Silver Talkies Club Member Lalitha Desikan shares her thoughts on retirement, a sentiment many may echo with.
Retirement? A term long associated with old age, slowed pace, failing health, and a quiet lifestyle.
"Oh good! Put your feet up and just relax".
Great! "You will now have time to stop and smell the roses".
These were comments from people on hearing about my choosing to retire. But ask me - the person who has stepped down – retired! -- from a well-loved, satisfying job, what she feels, and I think the response may be very different!
As you may have guessed, I am in that phase of my life.
I spent more than three decades in a job (do I even want to call it a job?), which has taught me so much about life, people, and growing minds. A job which I thoroughly enjoyed, which gave me dignity, respect, recognition and, most of all, a feeling of self–worth.
Was the money that came with it and will now be no more, keeping me at work long after the 'normal' retirement age? Not really, I can say honestly. However, it did help build my nest egg for old age! Was it power, recognition, or awe … I don't think so again.
I enjoyed my work because it gave me confidence, and I loved the 'respect' it brought. But does it mean I want to cling on to these ephemeral things? Am I really so self-centred? So self–absorbed? Why am I feeling so down in the dumps when my retirement days seem closer than it was a month ago? I shed tears, contemplated, did some soul-searching and think I have some answers.
I will miss the bonhomie, the laughter, and the lunch sessions with the management family. I will miss that 'incredible' feeling when the Head of the Institution tells me she is confident of my sincerity and ability. What I will also miss, I know now, are the interactions with the many people I have worked with. My association and dialogues with troubled/impossible/youngsters and teenagers. My feel-good factor when at the end of a long conversation – starting with denial but leading to self-realisation, it dawns on my student/teacher that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The comfort with which they leave my room, the little notes and messages of thank you, the shared smile without words when my eyes ask a question, and the other responds in a crowded room – I think these are the things I will miss. Promises to stay in touch. Real now but which I know will fade with time; the professional but personal connection I have with many of my associates and students. I know that is what I will miss; that is what fills my eyes and chokes my throat.
Am I being silly, impractical, immature, or an emotional fool or will my feelings, too, go through the process of grief before there is acceptance and peace? I am practical enough to know I will find both, but I also know that one corner of my heart and mind will always treasure this never to be forgotten experience.
Do you identify with Lalitha's thoughts during retirement? How did you feel as you neared your retirement? Share it with us here
Images courtesy: Author
Cover image: Pixabay
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topic. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
The Dera Baba Nanak - Sri Kartarpur Sahib Pilgrimage through the corridor between India and Pakistan is a dream for many. It is also an experience that tells you humanity is the same, despite the borders between them, writes Aarti David.
I recently had the privilege to visit the Kartarpur Sahib Gurudwara with a bunch of my school friends. It has indeed been one of the most memorable days of my life. Right from the moment we floated the idea of the trip to the day, we managed to get permission to visit. Everything seemed surreal. In fact, it still seems like it was a dream that came true. The thrill of crossing the border beside the religious pilgrimage made it even more enchanting for me.
We took a flight to Amritsar and then a tempo traveller that took us to Dera Baba Nanak ICP (Integrated Check Post). This is where one has to go through immigration from the Indian side. The protocol is the same as it is for any other international travel. The visit to the Dera Baba Nanak is a daylong affair, and no one is allowed to stay overnight. So my recommendation would be to plan your travel well so that you can make the most of this day and spend as much time as possible at the Gurudwara, bearing in mind that you need time for immigration and security checks at both India and Pakistan sides.
Gurdwara Dera Baba Nanak is located on the east bank of the Ravi River, roughly 1 kilometre from the Indo-Pakistan border. Kartarpur, Pakistan, is located on the river's western bank. Gurdwara Sri Kartarpur Sahib is located in Pakistan's Narowal region, approximately 4.5 km from the international border, near the historic town of Dera Baba Nanak, Gurdaspur, Punjab, India. The Indian portion of the Dera Baba Nanak - Sri Kartarpur Sahib corridor consists of a 4.1 km long four-lane roadway from Dera Baba Nanak to the international border and a modern Passenger Terminal Building (PTB) at the international border. Dera Baba Nanak is a city created by Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji's devotees, who named it after their great ancestor. Kartarpur is where he spent the last 18 years of his life.
The Sri Kartarpur Sahib Corridor is a visa-free border crossing and a religious corridor connecting the two Gurudwaras in India and Pakistan. You must apply for travel permission from the MHA (Ministry of Home Affairs). Once you are granted permission to travel, you receive an electronic travel authorisation (ETA) which you are required to carry to Dera Baba Nanak ICP. You will also need to bring your passport for immigration. Indian pilgrims entering the corridor must pay US$ 20 at the entry point, so ensure you have this before you set out. The MHA website lists all the do's and dont's that must be adhered to while making this trip. Free-of-cost transportation and other services are available from India and when you cross the border en route to the Gurudwara.
As for us, as soon as we set foot across the border, the rain gods decided to give us a grand welcome and bless our journey. It poured incessantly throughout the time we were there at Dera Baba Nanak. However, this did not deter us or any other pilgrims from making the most of this opportunity that each of us had been bestowed with. We were well planned for the rains based on the unpredictable Delhi weather before we set out and had been smart enough to carry our umbrellas. This proved to be a blessing in disguise as we navigated our way across the Gurudwara premises. We did the Darshan, listened to the soulful Shabad by the Ragis and partook of the Kada Prasad on the way out. And I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that I asked for it twice over and then even asked a friend to get it for me a third time. It was just so delicious and heavenly. We also got some packets of dry Prasad to carry home for family and friends.
The location of the gurudwara is on the land where Guru Nanak Devji used to farm. Legend has it that his disciples found flowers underneath a sheet the next morning when he left his body. His disciples performed the last rites as per the rituals. A samadhi was built in his remembrance inside the gurudwara; the Muslim disciples buried the flowers, and a grave exists at the spot outside. A well outside irrigated the fields in Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji's time. It is called the Kuan Sahib, from where we had the holy water and carried some back home.
After the Darshan, we proceeded to the Langar hall, where we were served the most delicious food. The highlight for me was the sweet rice made with jaggery. Most of the people in the hall serving the langar were locals with very courteous and polite attitude and demeanour. When I asked for tea without milk (because I'm lactose intolerant), they were glad to make Kahwa, especially for me. Guru ka Langar is the most satisfying food one can ever consume. We were lucky to have this opportunity.
Not too far from the Langar hall is a small complex with a handful of shops selling food items, clothing and artefacts. Even though it was raining heavily, we all went to the shops to check out what was available. Among my friends, some picked up juttis (traditional footwear), some dry fruits, some sweets (their Sohan halwa tastes exactly like our Dhoda, only much sweeter), fridge magnets and some dress material. The shopkeepers were very friendly and eager to exchange a word and, of course, sell their goods.
On this trip, one realised that even though we may be divided by a border—we speak alike, look alike, dress alike and eat alike—People are basically all alike. My visit to the Gurudwara was a very fulfilling one. I felt extremely calm and light after. A trip made with childhood buddies is precious, and if it is to a place where Baba Nanak resided in the last years of his life, then that makes it priceless.
For more information, including the application process, visit here: https://prakashpurb550.mha.gov.in/kpr/
All images courtesy: Author
Have you visited this corridor and the Gurudwara? Is this or any other across-the-border place part of your bucket list? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.
Ramzan is a time for fasting, self-discipline, prayer and reflection. It also celebrates community and coming together over food, an integral part of Ramzan traditions. Those who fast do not have food or water between sunrise and sunset for an entire month. Iftar is the meal to break the fast in the evening after sunset during prayers. Home chef Lamiya Amiruddin shares some Iftar recipes with us that have been part of the family for years.
A home chef based in Mumbai, Lamiya Amiruddin runs her own venture. Lamiya studied Catering & Food Technology at Kamla Nehru Polytechnic for Women in Hyderabad. Her cooking mixes timeless, age-old recipes with her own twists and interpretations. Lamiya comes from the Dawoodi Bohra community and a family of seasoned cooks, which influences her food in the most delectable way. She shares some regulars on her Iftar table during Ramzan, with the memories she and her sister grew up with.
Keema Samosa
The preparation of the keema filling gives off the freshest aromas - when we were kids, every time our cook, Papamma, would start her prep, we would be drawn to the kitchen - the fresh smell of chopped green onions, the fragrance of chopped coriander, the spicy freshly roasted and ground jeera and the tangy tempting squeeze of lime. We’d shovel spoonfuls of this while she would swat our hands away - Bas! Samose ke liye kuch nahi bachega! As we grew older and started observing Ramzan fasts, we couldn’t taste the filling anymore, but the aroma of frying samosas to this day indicates almost as much as the call for prayer that it’s time to break fast; it’s time for iftar. By the way, Papamma always saved us a few spoonfuls of filling to eat after iftar!
Ingredients
1 kg mutton or chicken keema (mince)
1 tsp ginger-garlic paste
1 bunch spring onion, finely chopped
Salt to taste
2-3 green chillies, finely chopped
1 tsp cumin powder
1 small bowl coriander, chopped
1 small bowl mint, chopped
Juice of one lime
1 packet samosapatti
2 tbsp flour (made into a paste with water)
Oil for frying
1 piece of coal
1 tsp ghee (clarified butter)
Method
Mix the keema with ginger-garlic paste and salt. Boil till it is tender, and all the water evaporates. Add spring onions, green chillies, coriander, mint, cumin powder and lime juice to the mince.
Heat a coal till red-hot, place it in the keema and pour hot ghee over the coal. Close the lid of the vessel and smoke the mince for 5 minutes. Take one strip of the samosa patti in the palm and fold one corner to form a pocket in the shape of a triangle. Fill the pocket with the mixture. Fold the rest of the strip in the same shape and stick the ends with the flour paste. Deep-fry the patties till golden brown and serve with lime wedges and tomato sauce.
Suffut
Suffut is a tradition in Lamiya’s family and an addition to the healthy food on her table. She warns that this isn’t exactly a children’s favourite, though she and the adults in her family love it. The dish is mainly prepared by Bohris from Surat in Gujarat, where Lamiya’s family originates from. It owes its origin to the Yemeni forefathers of the Dawoodi Bohra community. Traditionally made from lentil pancakes, Lamiya has substituted sada dosa here. You can also make it vegetarian if you wish by removing the mutton or chicken mince. Don't have dosa batter handy? You can also use bread instead of the dosa.
Ingredients
3 sada/plain dosas
1 large tub curd
300g mutton or chicken mince meat (omit if making vegetarian version)
I green chilli chopped (optional)
Half tsp ginger garlic paste
2 cucumbers grated
1 large carrot grated
Half a bunch spring onions, finely chopped
100g French beans, finely diced and boiled
1 small beetroot, boiled and grated (optional)
100g boiled peas (optional)
1 tomato, finely sliced (optional)
1 level tsp mustard powder steeped for 15 minutes in a tsp of warm water and beaten (Lamiya makes her own mustard that you can find here)
Half tsp sugar
Salt to taste
Method
Rub the ginger garlic paste on washed minced meat and boil with the green chilli.
Save the soup of boiled minced meat. Beat curd along with mustard paste, sugar, and salt. Lay one dosa on the serving dish, soak the dosa with some soup
Spread some seasoned curd on the soup-soaked dosa. Cover the dosa with the portion of mince meat and liberally sprinkle chopped spring onion and grated cucumber
Place the second dosa on top and repeat the same steps
Put the final dosa on top and soak again with soup and curd
Cover the whole dosa with all the prepared vegetables and the remaining mince in any preferred pattern
To add an Indian twist to this dish, spread a layer of spicy green chutney on the dosa before putting curd.
Cover image: Ahmed Sabry/Pixabay
Do you have Iftar dishes that are special to you? If you are fasting, how do you usually break your fast, and what do you have at dawn before it begins? Share your food memories with us here.
We don't see many older women in the public eye but that is now slowly and surely changing.
A few days ago, Indian Instagram's current toast (and justifiably so) @thezeenataman wrote a heartfelt post on older women: We see very few older women in the public eye. It's not something I thought about when I was young, but now that I myself am silver-haired, I feel their absence. It's a puzzling phenomenon, simply because older women mould, protect and nurture us in so many ways worthy of celebration. There is just no substitute for the wisdom of experience and years.
Aman wrote about the older women who have anchored her life – from her mother to her friends and stepmother. Her post touched many hearts. People shared about the dadis, nanis, aunts, nannies, older siblings and friends (even friends' moms) who have touched their lives.
Aman's post was about the impact of older women in her life, but her observation of their invisibility in the public eye is spot on. Women frequently become invisible as they age, their voices and experiences ignored or dismissed. Despite progress in some areas, older women remain underrepresented in many aspects of life, from media to products to policies.
Until recently, you'd have seen very few beauty or fashion magazine covers with an older woman. But in a small way, there is a change coming, propelled by increasing awareness, and the power of wisdom and economics that many older women hold.
Vogue's April 2023 cover features a striking image of Apo-Whang-Od, a traditional tattoo artist from the Philippines. She's 106 years old. Is it a sign of change? A one-off statement or part of a world rethinking ideals of beauty? We'd like to pin our hopes on the last one.
Women over 50 are consciously or unconsciously resisting invisibility. They own their age, flaunting the changes that come with it while laughing at saggier skin and extra belly fat. Many are working out more than ever and at their fittest best, living their lives exactly as they wish. It does not mean that prejudices have vanished, but it does indicate a long-awaited shift.
Aman is proof of this. She used to be one of Bollywood's sexiest actors. Now she's not afraid to talk about her silver hair or post a photo from a day she wasn't feeling well.
"Being young is wonderful but so is being old. It thrills me to see more and more silver-haired women challenge the status quo," she writes.
Aman is just as stylish, gorgeous, and sexy walking down London's Bond Street in a trench coat or on the runway as she would've been in the iconic Satyam Shivam Sundaram. She's ageing and showcasing the very best of it, unfiltered and genuine.
Owning Your Age
Sumita Dutta is in her early 60s, dressed in Western semi-casuals or chic saris. "Very often at a beauty store, the salesperson will not bother to address me unless I request. The idea that an older woman is looking for glam makeup seems alien. When they approach, it's to suggest anti-ageing products that will hide my wrinkles or cover my age. I want to tell them I don't want it covered. I'm happy to flaunt all my wrinkly lines and look good in them!"
Dutta recalls her mother switching to grey and lighter colours when she was in her late 50s. "I come from a Bengali family. Many women of my mother's generation did that, almost a tacit submission to the ageist stereotype that one had to stop dressing up as they aged. So if I showed her bright pink or a shiny blue, she'd say, how can I wear such bright colours at my age? Thankfully there has been a gradual dispelling of such ageist concepts over the years."
Invisibility can come in many ways. For Dutta's mother, it came with clothing. For some, it can be dating or even thinking of finding someone after a certain age. It is starting a venture against everyone's wishes for some older women. Or learning to dance at 70.
Why do you need to, is what many of them hear from friends, family and society at large -- why do you need to, at this age?
Of course, many pathbreakers are doing all these and more, but pulling away blankets of conditioning that have stifled some over the years takes strength.
"There is a clear indication that older women become invisible by their own volition," says Swati Diwakar, a former architect, content creator and Silver Talkies Club member. "And the reason is that they depreciate themselves like an old car. Empty nests, retirement, loss of a spouse, and distancing from children cause a loss of self-worth." Diwakar thinks this small percentage is slowly fading away. "For these women - life has been fashioned around the opinions and feedback of others and not a strong self-identity."
Like Dutta, Diwakar agrees that there is a change already afoot. "Today's 55+ women are taking up the challenge of 'I matter'. It is easier for them because they already have a strong persona built by relevant education, years at a career, travel and awareness of their value. So even though they are past a particular age, the spark shines bright and ignites many a fire! They also do not need a man to stay visible. Girl gangs are a thing now."
Author and conservation enthusiast Katie Bagli could tell you something about sparks shining bright. Or strong girl gangs. She's part of the Save Rani Bagh Botanical Garden Foundation, run by women between 60-80 years old. Rani Bagh is a 160-year-old Botanical Garden in the heart of Mumbai. Bagli and her girl gang are the powerhouses who have ensured its 4000-plus trees haven't faced the construction axe. Their effort has seen the botanical garden get a heritage status. "90 per cent of older women would perhaps not fade away in the eyes of the rest of the world. But there are still some women - about 10 per cent, who tend to become invisible." Bagli is emphatic about the change, "Today's generation of older women have much more access to resources to enable this, which the women of the previous generation did not have."
The Invisibility Pushback
Most older women globally are no longer wearing that invisibility cloak. Actor Michelle Yeoh's post-Oscar-win line – ladies, don't let anyone tell you you're past your prime – is a global catchphrase that many older women had already adopted, Bagli and her Rani Bagh girls included.
Bagli says most people she has met are empathetic towards senior citizens. "Silver-haired women are definitely respected. Considering these factors, it is natural that 50+ women would want to flaunt their age rather than hide it. Some years back, you would see even women of 60 years with hair dyed jet black. Now growing grey is a fashion. That is because many women do not want to hide their age."
Social media has been an enabler in considerable ways. Both global and Indian social media is abuzz with older women who don't see age as a barrier to doing what they do, saying what they say and dressing how they dress. The popular Instagram influencer Mrs Verma looks as gorgeous in a strappy gown and stilettoes as in a Punjabi salwar kameez. Ravi Bala Sharma's dance moves could beat any Gen Z's energy. Misguided brickbats happen, but they are down the ladder when weighed against the compliments these women get for turning ageist stereotypes upside down.
"I'm a 57-year-old woman, and it seems when you go into middle age, you lose your license to show up in a bikini!" Former supermodel Paulina Porizkova says, in a 60 Minutes news segment on women ageing in Hollywood, as she explains why she is needs to be seen in one on her Instagram account.
Dutta says seeing women worldwide knock stereotypes and ageism out of the park is incredible. "It's very inspiring to see what women older than me are doing. It motivates me to work out, stay fit, not conform to anyone else's conservative standards, and look forward to growing older with great visibility."
Agents of Change
What's driving this pushback? Most say it is economics combined with a growing understanding of body positivity and changing attitudes.
Urban women over 50 are now a significant demographic for businesses and marketers. The concept of body positivity has helped shift attitudes, empowering older women to embrace their natural selves. The entertainment industry is keeping pace to an extent, with older women increasingly cast as interesting, complex characters.
"A lot of the independence driving this change has to do with economic resources, the positive climate for women achievers, encouragement from family and friends, watching their earlier generation of female relatives fade into inconsequence, and many more opportunities to make their voices heard," feels Diwakar.
"Culturally, Indian women are meant to be invisible," she writes in response to our question on the invisibility pushback, "Not anymore. Education and opportunities for the girl child, banishing shame from their vocabularies, flaunting their flaws and voicing their often unheard opinions are helping to coalesce the ghostly outline of an older woman into one of substance, the smarts and success."
Dutta recently bought her 89-year-old mother a sunshine yellow kurta set from an haute brand. "She has been gathering compliments for it and now only wants a wardrobe of colour!"
We do see hope in that colourful wish. In the many older women who are stepping up and reclaiming their space. In more women talking about their older years honestly, like Zeenat Aman. In more App-Whang Ods on Vogue covers.
Cover image courtesy: Rudy and Peter Skitterians/Pixabay
Image used for representation only
As you grew older, did you ever feel invisible or unseen? Or did you see empathy and understanding? How have you countered ageism and made your voice heard? Share your thoughts with us in the comment box below.
Good Friday and Easter both come with their unique significance and food traditions. Here are two recipes for both occasions.
GOOD FRIDAY
Good Friday is a day that commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and his death on the Cross at Calvary. It is observed by Christians during the Holy Week as part of the Paschal Triduum preceding his resurrection on the 3rd Day after his death. It is also known as Holy Friday, Great Friday, Great and Holy Friday, and Black Friday. Good Friday is observed as a day of fasting and abstinence by Christians all over the world. Most people usually have just one simple meal at midday on Good Friday. When we were children growing up in Kolar Gold Fields, a simple Rice, Lentil, and Coconut Gruel or Congee was part of our lunch menu on Good Friday.
RECIPE FOR GOOD FRIDAY RICE AND COCONUT GRUEL (Rice Congee)
Serves 6
Ingredients:
1 cup Raw Rice
3 tablespoons Moong Dhal / Yellow Lentils
¼ cup Sugar or Jaggery (optional)
½ cup grated coconut or 1 cup coconut milk
2 tablespoons broken cashew nuts and raisins.
A pinch of salt
2 small pieces of cinnamon
2 cloves
Method:
Wash the rice and soak it for half an hour in a little water.
Dry roast the Moong Dhal/Yellow Lentils lightly in a pan and take it off the gas.
Boil 3 cups of water and the salt in a suitable pan, and when boiling, add rice and the roasted Moong Dhal.
Cook on low heat till the rice and dhal are soft.
Add the coconut, sugar/ jaggery, and raisins and simmer for 4 to 5 minutes.
The Gruel / Porridge / Congee should be of the consistency of thick soup or Pish Pash.
Serve plain or with coconut chutney or any pickle of your choice.
(Note: You could omit the sugar or jaggery if desired)
EASTER
The word "Easter" is supposedly named after “Eastre,” the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring. A festival was held in her honour every year at the vernal equinox as a "salute to spring", marking re-birth. There are many symbols associated with Easter Sunday, such as eggs, rabbits, chickens, lilies, etc. It is believed that Easter Eggs represent the beginning of life, while rabbits and chickens represent the rebirth of the earth. The ‘Easter Bunny’ or the "Easter Hare", became symbols of fertility because hares and rabbits give birth to multiple young ones.
The Easter Cake represents all the good stuff that was sacrificed during the 40 days of Lent. Easter Sunday is the time to rejoice and be happy at the resurrection of Christ, and what better way to rejoice than to indulge in a rich cake with sweet butter icing! There's nothing quite like sharing generous slices of mouth-watering homemade cake with family or friends at Easter. This a simple recipe for a melt-in-mouth Vanilla Sponge Cake with creamy butter icing which would leave one craving for more than a slice.
RECIPE FOR EASTER BUTTER SPONGE CAKE WITH BUTTER FROSTING
(From the book A Collection of Simple Anglo Indian Recipes by Bridget White Kumar)
Ingredients:
300 grams, refined flour or Maida
200 grams, powdered sugar
250 grams, butter
4 eggs, beaten well.
½ cup milk
1 teaspoon baking powder.
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
Method:
Preheat the oven to 200 Degrees C
Sift the flour and baking powder together.
Cream the butter and sugar together.
Add the beaten eggs and vanilla essence and mix well.
Fold in the flour a little at a time.
Add milk if the mixture is too thick.
Pour into a greased and floured cake tin and bake in a moderate oven (180 Degrees C) for 40 to 45 minutes (Or until a wooden toothpick comes out clean).
Cool and then remove from the tin.
FOR THE BUTTER ICING FROSTING
Beat 200 grams of butter and 500 grams of icing sugar together until creamy.
Add 2 teaspoons of vanilla essence and 2 drops of pink food color.
Using a spatula, cover the cake with the butter icing.
Then with a wet fork, make soft peaks across the surface of the icing.
Decorate as desired and enjoy!
You can find more about Bridget White Kumar and her cookbooks here: https://bridget-white.com/cookery-books/
You may also like to read: How Bridget Kumar is Bottling The History of Anglo-Indian Cuisine
Cover Image: Deborah Hudson/Pixabay
What is on the table on Good Friday and Easter in your home? Share with us in the comments below.
Getting lost has never been so old world and back in time as in the bylanes of North Kolkata. Memories from a walkaround.
I’m having a Charulata-type* moment, or at least imagining myself to be in one. I look up at the balcony in an old apartment in North Kolkata, its green shuttered windows obscured in the shade of a beautiful awning — a lacy finesse worked into the stone, a fading beauty almost invisible in the tangle of wires crisscrossing overhead and the exposed bricks of other older buildings in disrepair.
I imagine the women who lived there, peeking through those green shutters, at the roadside vendors, or perhaps awaiting that much-anticipated visitor. Did they look up to that beautiful trellis-like awning? Did they have a say in the design? Probably not. And I’m instantly glad to be back in a world where I don’t have to peek at it through window shutters.
When done on foot, with time and at least once with the right guide, North Kolkata is a revelation.
Even now, in all their crumbling glory, you can peek into the beauty these old buildings once were — there are glimpses of glamour in a faded, stained glass window or in the chipped-off mosaic work above an entrance that probably heralded in distinguished guests to all-male addas (adda= informal get together).
The bylanes of North Calcutta can be cramped with kids playing gully cricket, incessantly honking rickshaws and the occasional speeding van with shrieking schoolchildren. It’s dusty and muddy, especially after a spurt of rain. But when it comes to the old houses that inhabit these streets, look up, and there are some wonderful gems to be found, making you realize why Calcutta was once named the City of Palaces. I discovered it as part of a walk with Calcutta Walks many years ago and kept going back for more on my own. It’s a walk that takes in cast iron balconies imported from England by wealthy merchants, shuttered windows and canons from Siraj-Ud-Doula’s time used for sewerage. In one of the bylanes, I once came upon a fifth-generation family of engravers and trophy makers working in a tiny office hemmed in by trees and hovering buildings.
And I came across stories. The red brick mansion above belonged to two rather colourful brothers, nicknamed Chatubabu and Latubabu. This European-style mansion was built in the 1780s by the millionaire Bengali Dey or Deb family with a complete rags-to-riches story. The family has held a traditional Durga Puja since the 18th century. Now it also doubles as an elegant event venue. The brothers, sons of the original merchant who made the millions, were a luxe lot according to Google and local lore. They used to light their cigars by burning 100 rupee notes, says an elderly shopkeeper nearabouts.
It’s easy to get lost in these lanes, leaving the sound of buses, trucks, taxis and cycle rickshaws behind as you delve further in, imagining a lost time of grand mansions with grander owners, a time when Calcutta would’ve been truly magnificent and also perhaps, a bit of a show-off like the wealthy owners of most of these houses were.
It’s also a walk that makes you incredibly sad. What would have been protected by glass cabinets and marked with blue plaques in Western cities lies in utter neglect. Ornate columns are either decaying or have been whitewashed beyond recognition. Conservation attempts of some mansions are largely off track, with ‘experts’ chosen at the contractor’s convenience.
Elaborate Thakurdalans (courtyard where Durga Puja was held) are part of most of the old mansions, though many have fallen apart beyond recognition. You can imagine the women of the family supervising kitchen prep or, perhaps, sitting together, shielded from the afternoon heat, for a gossip session.
In some places, ruins have grown roots, their decrepit beauty now almost Insta-worthy.
And in most places, the time hasn’t moved, even if it has been plastered over by garish new paint or political rally posters.
Hand-pulled rickshaws take a lazy afternoon off; salmon-pink roaks (pillared verandas) inviting siestas, as they’ve probably done for years.
Look around and ask around. There are stories everywhere.
*Charulata is a 1964 Indian drama film directed by Satyajit Ray, based on a novel by Rabindranath Tagore
All photographs: Reshmi Chakraborty/Silver Talkies
Do you love walking around and re-discovering a city you love? Share your experiences or memories of a city with us in the comments below.
Arun Bhatia dips into his vast archive of life experiences to bring us a slice-of-life story from the Queen Elizabeth luxury liner in 1952.
Back in the summer of 1952, on board the 8,3000-ton luxury liner Queen Elizabeth in the mid-Atlantic, two nights after we had left Southampton, I overheard one of the ship’s crew. His tense voice was in a private conversation: “…aye…boy from the cabin class it was that killed it; don’t know the boy’s weapon…”
Another seaman, also in uniform, said: “Aw, just a .22 air rifle…Mother Carey’s chickens fly right along with us, easy targets they are, come to think of it…”
Then came another voice: “Who’d ever think of sniping one of them…I don’t like it; I don’t like it at all.”
There was distinct fear in those voices. They were moans, really, full of dread. The sailors became aware of my presence and stopped talking, and dispersed. But elsewhere on board, the other seamen looked as though they were afraid, too. There was a pall of gloom. I tried to find out more about how a chicken could fly right along our ship, be shot by a .22 air rifle, and why seamen should be tense in the mid-Atlantic because of it. There was a library on board, and the librarian, a kindly bald Englishman, had some answers for me.
It turned out that even on a luxury liner like Queen Elizabeth, seamen were seamen, prone to the same superstitions that have been with them for generations. Mother Carey’s chickens is the name given to the small oceanic birds called petrels, the more commonly known among them being the storm-petrels, which are seen especially during wild weather in the Atlantic. They paddle along the surface of the waves, fly rapidly, and when in pursuit of food, they suspend themselves by extending their wings and appear to run on the surface of the water.
The Apostle Peter walked on water, and after him, they were called petrels (“little Peters”). “Mother Carey” is the Anglicized Latin Mater Cara (“Dear Mother,” an appellation of the Virgin Mary.) Seamen consider the very appearance of these birds to presage a storm, hence the name “storm petrels.”
It is thought particularly unlucky to kill one of them.
After finding out that much, I went on deck, hoping to see some. The nippy ocean wind tingled my cheeks, the occasional sea spray added to the cold on deck, and I hugged my overcoat tightly around me. It was a marvellous sight, indeed, when I spotted some petrels: They are pretty little birds with white rumps and plover-like legs. They were skimming the surface of the water, easily keeping up with our ship’s speed, and they never seemed to tire. Contrary to superstition, there was no storm.
But as I walked on deck, I spotted a seasick teenage boy looking green with nausea, heaving, often bending double, retching by the side of the ship.
He was clutching a .22 rifle in his unsteady hand.
Cover image: Wikimedia Commons
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert, then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Maslenitsa is a Russian festival similar to Holi, says Kala Sunder in this festive dispatch from Moscow.
Maslenitsa is an Eastern Slavic festival to bid goodbye to the long, harsh winter and welcome life-giving spring. The name is derived from the Russian 'maslo', which means butter (originally 'anything that can be spread') and symbolises richness and plenty. Like most festivals worldwide, its origins lie in nature and agricultural methods. In the ancient Slavic tradition, Maslenitsa was celebrated at the end of February, and the New Year began in March. According to some experts, Maslenitsa was observed in late March, around the spring equinox. Yet, this earthy and exuberant celebration of rebirth collided with Lent's austerity and spiritual meaning and was relocated to the week before the Lenten fast (Great Fast). It became a week of eating, fun and partying, the last fling before the severe Great Fast.
During Soviet times, the policy of atheism highlighted the festival's earlier secular aspects. As a student in the 1970s, I learnt of Maslenitsa as part of the course on Russian folklore. There were hardly any public celebrations then, but in many homes, the traditional Maslenitsa bliny (pancakes) were made, and I got to enjoy them. Maslenitsa is now a mix of the ethnic, the Orthodox Christian faith and the God of Commerce. It is not a public holiday, but week-long events are in parks and city squares.
The parallels between Maslenitsa and our Holi are striking – a spring festival with a religious veneer, a boisterous celebration of colour with family, friends and neighbours, a day when inhibitions are relaxed, culminating in the burning of an effigy as a symbol of the beginning of a new cycle of life.
The traditional observance of Maslenitsa brought the whole community together in laughter and play before the hard work of tilling and sowing began in the spring. Each day had its significance. On the first day, an effigy of Maslenitsa, or 'Lady Butter', was fashioned out of a pole, straw and leftover pieces of cloth, paraded around the village and then installed in an open space to preside over the events. Bliny were made in large quantities throughout the week. The first bliny was offered to the departed souls and the poor. Then they were carried across to the neighbours and served to guests.
The Bliny Making
In popular belief, the golden round bliny symbolises the sun and invokes its warmth. Bliny can be made of different flours (wheat, buckwheat, oat), with yeast or without, baked or spread on a griddle like a dosa. They are served with various fillings and accompaniments – from the traditional butter, cottage cheese, sour cream, honey or preserves, meat and mushroom to the more recent caviar, condensed milk and chocolate. Spinach and beetroot bliny are the current healthy options. Some people abstain from meat and poultry during Maslenitsa in preparation for the Great Fast, but dairy is still allowed.
In this statistics-crazy country, it is estimated that 87% of the population will eat bliny this year, and 75% will make them at home.-
How The Festival Unfolds
Maslenitsa entertainments included making a mound of snow and sledging down its sides, troika (drawn by three horses) rides, building an ice fort and staging mock battles, fist fights, dressing up in masks and funny costumes, jumping over bonfires, singing and dancing. European travellers to Russia have left accounts of these boisterous games, which often ended in accidents and sometimes in tragedy. The young were given greater freedom to meet during these events; it was the time for courtship and matchmaking. Marriages arranged at this time would usually be celebrated later when there was more produce and funds. This also provided time for a re-think. Couples who had married any time after the previous Maslenitsa was considered newlyweds and expected to visit their relatives at this time. That tradition survives to this day, though in a different form - as a tour of the city's landmarks with a photographer.
A Family Affair
Sons-in-law were special guests on the third day of Maslenitsa. But on the fifth day, it was the turn of the son-in-law to invite the mother-in-law and demonstrate to her - and to the friends, she brought along - his bliny-making skills. Now that is a custom we in India should emulate. The next day was sister-in-law's day when the husband's sisters and other relatives were invited to bliny and given small presents.
While strengthening family ties, Maslenitsa provided one day as a safety valve. On this day, you were allowed to make fun of anyone and let off steam against those in power – elders, the local policeman, landlord, merchant, even the Governor himself.
On the final day, the effigy of Maslenitsa is burnt, a symbolic goodbye to winter. The last bliny are thrown into the fire and sometimes, old and unwanted things too. Finally, the ash is scattered over the fields to ensure regeneration and a good harvest.
My Maslenitsa Experience
This year, Maslenitsa was observed from February 20 to 26. Our neighbourhood square was decorated with sun motifs, although some little Christmas trees were still in place. Rocking horses and a merry-go-round were set up for the younger children. A smithy complete with a small furnace was installed in the open where older children and adults could try to fashion hot metal rods into various shapes. Experienced metalworkers were there to guide, and yes, fire extinguishers were at hand. Loud hammering noises from another corner became a popular spot to stamp coins on an anvil with a heavy hammer. All this was free. Workshops in various traditional crafts like painting on wood, Maslenitsa doll-making and straw broom-making were happening in the stalls around the square. These required prior registration and a small fee. Judging by the lines, there were enough takers. A café was doing brisk business in bliny pastries, hot tea and coffee, although the prices were rather steep. Small entrepreneurs sold artisanal cheeses, honey, preserves, herb teas, salted fish and cold meats. Their goods were not cheap but had a dedicated clientele, much like in India's organic and health food stores. There was no effigy because the square was too small and unsafe for a bonfire. "Go to the Centre," the organiser suggested. "There you'll find a big Maslenitsa effigy. There will be a concert in the evening, fireworks, street entertainers, and lots of fun." I suspected there would be booming music and a loud MC too. Instead, we took a train to a park on the outskirts with a towering 'Lady Butter'. She looked so attractive that I felt sorry she would be set aflame.
Find out more:
Maslenitsa is reflected in many paintings by Russian masters: https://russianlife.com/the-russia-file/painting-maslenitsa/.
Cover image courtesy: Wikimedia Commons.
Have you found festivals in other countries with concepts or customs similar to Indian festivals? Isn't it always a joy to find similarities amidst our differences? Share your thoughts or experience with us in the comment box below.
Silver Talkies Club member Rani Swamy has done almost 20 modelling assignments. She shares her experience.
I was a complete novice when I entered this exciting industry. My friend Kalpana Rao, a leading model and actor, referred and encouraged me. Kalpana and I met at a Silver Talkies event and hit it off, and we are good friends. I was so amused when she suggested I try my hand at modelling. It never struck me that I could even try! But then, life is full of opportunities, and I thought to myself, why not!
Kalpana shared some contacts in the modelling industry. I was apprehensive about my chances, but she encouraged me to give it a try.
I did not know how to proceed at first. I just contacted a few people who asked me to send my pictures. I was unsure what pictures to send, so I sent them whatever was available on my mobile phone. They seem to have worked! One fine day I was called by a casting agent, and they told me that they had selected me to play a granny's role for Britannia Good Day biscuits - a print ad.
It was thrilling and also intimidating. This was my first modelling assignment, and I was very nervous. I was asked to send a few pictures of the saris I possessed, and they selected 3-4 saris for me to wear. But I needn't have been nervous. At the shoot, everyone was relaxed and friendly. The little girl playing my granddaughter had already done many ads; I was in awe of her! She was confident and emoted her role with so much ease! In other words, an experience to remember.
My Journey Onwards
If you wish to be a model, the details of many casting agents are available on Facebook and Instagram. You can contact them and let them know of your interest in modelling.
Casting agents ask you to send your pictures with details like age, height, languages spoken, place of stay, and so on; most of them ask you to send an introduction video where you can give all the information. Sometimes the casting agents provide tips on how they want the intro video. Once agents have your credentials and if you are good at what you do, casting agencies will contact you when there are suitable assignments. Many assignments also happen through word of mouth. Sometimes casting agents require you to make a professional portfolio, though I still need to do it. Many of them will create the portfolio for you for a price.
Once you have an assignment, you must be prepared to spend the whole day at the shoot. If the shoot is supposed to end at 6 pm, it may even go late into the night. Of course, as a professional, you are expected to cooperate without complaints. But the atmosphere is amiable and respectful, especially for older adults. Food is arranged, and some production houses arrange transport or pay Uber charges.
Modelling is a hobby for me, and I don't push myself, though I have given my hundred per cent every time I have worked in an ad. I do not contact anyone for assignments. If something comes up and I like it, I take it on. But if you wish to spread the word about yourself, there are avenues. For example, you can make reels and post them on Instagram or shoot small videos and post them on Facebook. I have not done it, but if any of my ads are published, I post them on FB tagging the agent who got me the ad.
When you start, the remuneration for print ads is about Rs 4,000-5,000 a day, depending on the agency. It goes up gradually. Digital ads could pay more, depending on the client and agency. Cities like Mumbai are supposed to pay better.
I have done about 20 ads now (including a small role in a Tamil movie), and each shoot has been an enriching experience. Seeing yourself on a massive billboard or an ad film is also a thrill.
Modelling is a hobby that came to me by chance, and though I haven't pushed for more work, it has been an enjoyable journey.
All images courtesy: The Author
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert, then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Here's another feature on becoming a senior model from our archives.
Legends say you get a chance to live longer with the black eggs of Hakone Hell Valley, Japan. Ramana Sista checked it out for himself.
My friend asked me, “If white hens lay white eggs, do black hens lay black eggs? I said, “No, they don’t, but Japan is the only place in the world where you get “Black Eggs” laid by white hens.”
My wife and I visited this place with our son in December 2019.
Located in Hakone, Kanagawa Prefecture, Owakudani translates to "the Great Boiling Valley,” though some locals lovingly refer to it as Jigokudani, meaning "Hell Valley.” Owakudani is a volcanic basin created some 3,000-odd years ago after the eruption of Mount Hakone. The resulting crater and subsequent landslides opened a series of hot springs and sulphur vents. Mount Hakone is an active volcano. Don’t mistake the sulphuric fumes in photographs for clouds!
The caldera’s gurgling waters were being used to boil dozens of eggs. "Black Eggs” are regular chicken eggs boiled in Owakudani!s natural hot springs. The sulphur in the water turns the eggshells as black as charcoal.
To witness the eggs being boiled in the hot springs, we took a short walk up the mountain from the Owakudani ropeway station. The trek takes about 15 minutes, or roughly one-fifth of the time it takes to cook the eggs. Reportedly, the eggs are boiled for an hour in the 80-degree hot springs (roughly 175 degrees Fahrenheit), and then steamed for an additional 15 minutes. The eggs themselves taste like regular boiled eggs.
Hakone Ropeway to Hell through the Valley of the Shadow of Egg
According to local lore, eating one egg will add seven years to your life. You can only buy the black eggs in packs of five for the affordable price of ¥500 (Rs 330/-). This might help explain why Japanese people live longer than everyone else. For the same price as a bottle of beer, you can add 35 extra years of life. I ate one egg on 1st December 2019 and need to see if it will keep me fit and kicking until 1st December 2026, allowing a grace period of 30 days till my 85th birthday. Balance 28 years were added to my son’s longevity! The eggs are strict “No, No” to my wife.
The valley has to be experienced firsthand to be appreciated. You can get there by car, but taking the Hakone Ropeway is a much more picturesque alternative. The aerial lift offers amazing views of Mount Fuji and the steaming sulphur vents below, making it look like you're flying over hell. Besides the life-prolonging eggs, travelling to Owakudani is a treat.
Images courtesy: Ramana Sista
Cover image courtesy: Suicasmo, CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well, and if you are a qualified subject matter expert, then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Please email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Kala Sunder studied in Russia in the 70s during the Soviet era. Back there now, after several years, she shares her interest in Old Russian and looking for it in the Christmas service of the Russian Orthodox Church.
When you know a language's history, you better understand its present structure and relationship to other languages of the same family. For example, church Slavonic and Old Russian (also known as Old East Slavic) are the precursors to contemporary Russian, and I enjoyed studying these languages. However, they went out of common use long ago. They were taught by professors who deeply knew these so-called dead languages and valued their historical significance and aesthetics. Outside of academia, these languages are of interest to the Russian Orthodox Church, which uses them in the liturgy.
But in the 1970s, when I studied, there were few functioning churches, and I never heard Church Slavonic or Old Russian in practice. Since 1990 the state has handed churches back to the clergy, old churches have been restored, and new churches have been built. Services are conducted regularly. I wanted to listen to a service but was reluctant to go alone, and no one I know is a church-goer. Finally, a friend suggested we go to the Christmas service because it would be more beautiful (most Russians go to church because it is "beautiful") and longer, which meant there would be more to listen to.
Orthodox Christmas is observed on January 6 (according to the older Julian calendar). It was -20ºC, the coldest evening of the winter so far. This is the period of the 'Epiphany frosts'.
We set out at 6 pm to the Church of the Assumption at Putinki, a 10-minute walk from where we live. It is a beautiful little church with several green and gold onion domes. No, it has nothing to do with Putin. The area's name is Putinki, from the Russian word 'put' for path or road, as in sputnik or co-traveller. The main road of this area used to lead from the Kremlin to towns in the west and north, hence the name Putinki.
There was little activity in the lane leading to the church, and the notice near the entrance said the Christmas service would start at midnight. We had a Plan B – the Vysoko-Petrovsky Monastery, a further 15-minute walk. According to their website, the service was to begin at 6 pm and go on through the night. But before leaving, I wanted to look at the nativity crib and Christmas tree that must be somewhere in the small church compound. We saw two men in padded work clothes fiddling with wires, one perched atop a short ladder. They hailed us warmly and urged us to step into the church and warm ourselves while they set things up. It was already dark, and we had not noticed that they were working on the crib and the tree. It seemed churlish to walk away, so we entered the church. It had been restored recently. Every inch of the walls and ceiling was painted with bright biblical scenes, with blue predominating. It could have been distemper from Bangalore.
Flowers were being arranged (lilies at the height of winter!), the floor was being swabbed, everything that glittered was being rubbed, and the glass covering on icons was being wiped to remove marks left by the faithful foreheads and lips kissing the icon. We bought a couple of candles and lit them before the icon of the Mother of God. Pray for peace, we heard a woman tell her little daughter. When we stepped out, we caught sight of the two men who had been "setting things up". In the porch light, we realised that one was the priest, the other probably a parishioner. "Come back later," they called out, "we're almost done." It was all very friendly and informal.
The Vysoko-Petrovsky Monastery is at a slight elevation, and we maintained our brisk pace up the incline to stay warm. The cold still got to the cheeks and the tip of the nose. We had to stop at two pedestrian crossings along the way. My friend wiped her eyes, which water when it is this cold, and I wiped my nose.
One of the outlying buildings of the monastery complex used to house the Literature Museum, which we often visited during our student days. Some of our classmates worked there later. The monastery was closed after the Revolution, but the churches remained open. A small monastery functioned here in secret from 1923 until the authorities discovered it in 1929. All the churches were then shut down. The buildings turned into apartments, mechanical repair shops, and later into a kindergarten, sports hall, library, and auditorium. In the 1970s, it was barely recognisable as a former monastery. Then, in 1992, the territory returned to the Russian Orthodox Church. It is now a functioning monastery with several churches.
The Christmas service was already on in the Church of Saint Sergiy Radonezhsky, one of the most revered saints of the Russian Orthodox Church. It was not audible outside because of the two heavy wooden doors that also kept out the cold. There was the familiar smell of incense as we entered. Unlike in the little church, the clergy were in ceremonial robes of white embroidered with silver thread in intricate patterns. Some of the monks were in plain black robes. One of them was reading a prayer from a book. That is what I had come to hear.
I had to concentrate on making out the words and wished he would slow down. Gradually, I began to recognise a few words here and there in the stream. Then, just as it was all becoming clearer, the reading stopped, everyone crossed themselves, and the choir broke into song. I couldn't follow anything in that pronunciation, but the music was joyous and uplifting. It was a male choir, and the voices were strong and controlled.
The reading resumed, the altar doors opened, and a senior clergyman emerged in even finer clothes, holding a staff with a cross. He walked majestically to a small raised platform in the middle of the church. There was more waving of the incense holder; an icon was brought out from the altar and held before the senior clergyman. He began to recite from memory. In his inflection, I could catch the vowel sounds slightly different from the modern Russian pronunciation. The prayer ended with a repetition of the last line three times – a familiar routine in our prayers too. Then it was time for communion. The monks lined up before the priest, and some of the congregation formed another line. But most of the people watching, like us, lit a candle and slowly left the church. This process would be repeated several times during the night, another friend explained later.
There are no pews in Eastern Orthodox churches. People walk in, stand silently for as long as they like, light candles to their favourite saint and leave. The official view is that it is disrespectful to sit during service. (I find it rude to enter in footwear, but in a cold climate going barefoot would be a form of penance.) Some Russians offer a more mundane explanation for the lack of seating. There were never enough churches relative to the population, so there was only standing room.
The service cannot fail to move. It is majestic, calculated to appeal to all the senses and transport one to a different plane. I, however, remained rooted in the language of the texts.
We did stop on our way back at the little Putinki Church to admire the crib and tree. The service here still needed to begin. But we had worked up an appetite, and dinner was waiting at home.
As for the sound of Church Slavonic and Old Russian, I now listen to recordings after experiencing the real thing. There I can slow down the speed.
Lead image: Church of the Assumption at Putinki. Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons.
Did you enjoy reading about looking for an old language while braving the cold and taking in a Russian Orthodox Christmas? Share your unusual experiences with us in the comments below or email us on editor@silvertalkies.com.
Many understand spirituality as the connection with the divine, God or a higher power. But through our conversations, we found that even an atheist can be spiritual, for spirituality transcends religion.
‘It was the tenth day in captivity since my husband and I had been abducted by militants as a bargaining chip for the release of twelve terrorists. I had been crying all night and couldn’t sleep. At the sound of the morning azan of the first namaz of the day, I found myself in an angry dialogue with God for having subjected us to this ordeal and questioning His very existence. I was crying copiously and feeling all the venom that had accumulated in my system over the last few days. I felt like a hand grenade that could blow up the group if I could just lay my hands on a weapon! I wanted to kill them all! As I continued this bitter exchange, slowly and subtly a change started to come over me. The lump in my throat that had felt like a solid block of ice started melting’, shares Khem Lata Wakhlu about an experience in 1991, at the peak of militancy in Kashmir. ‘At the crack of dawn as light started streaming into the room, for the first time, I looked at the faces of the militants sleeping around us, one by one. At that moment a shift happened and I saw them as helpless fellow human beings. I experienced forgiveness and letting go.’
Wakhlu is an author and a political and social activist from Srinagar, Kashmir.
The transformational experience that night shifted her outlook, making her bolder around the militants, sometimes donning the role of a teacher, scolding them for their wayward ways and even finding the courage to slap one of them. ‘I always believed that both of us would return home unscathed, which we did after spending forty-five days in captivity, moving across seventy hideouts until the Indian Army rescued us. My meditation practice and positive belief helped us see it through.’
Wakhlu and her husband convinced the militants to surrender their arms when they were surrounded by the army personnel on the forty-fifth day. The militants returned to the village and mingled with the crowd avoiding any bloodshed, saving the lives of the villagers who had given them shelter.
What was that transformation that came over Wakhlu? What she experienced can only be described as a shift in her inner spirit or soul. The mind, body and soul are like the trinity of our lives. In the previous chapters we spoke about taking care of our body and mind, but what about our soul? In this chapter, we talk about this final piece of the jigsaw puzzle called healthy and active life.
What is a soul? The way we interpret it, it’s the deep connection between the mind and the body—like the energy that courses through an electrical circuit and lights up a bulb. To activate that energy, you need to connect or plug in to the source of electricity. Spirituality is that nourishing source for our soul.
Many understand spirituality as the connection with the divine, God or a higher power. But through our conversations, we found that even an atheist can be spiritual, for spirituality transcends religion.
Maitreyi Dadashreeji, the spiritual guide of MaitriBodh Parivaar explains, ‘In life, religion conveys the message of truth, teaching us how to practically apply spirituality. However, with time, it has become lifeless and mechanical. Socially and politically influential people altered religious essence and ways to suit their agenda and position in society. As a result, we ended up with conflicts between the spiritual path and religious teachings. Simply put, being religious is about a priest’s relation with the deity’s statue, whereas being spiritual is about the connection between a devotee and their beloved Lord. Spirituality connects you with the divine, and religion creates society to follow a spiritual path. Religion may bind you, if misunderstood. Spirituality sets you free.’
Excerpted from Rethink Ageing: Lessons In Ageing From the Bolder and Older Generation, Reshmi Chakraborty and Nidhi Chawla, Penguin.
Available in bookstores across India and online
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1. As we grow older, a medical reserve becomes an important financial backup for emergency situations.
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3. Did you know you could plan a yearly gardening calendar? Now you do!
4. How The Internet Helped This 90-Year-Old Travel To Her Birthplace In Pakistan
5. Key Things About Dementia You Need To Know
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Poems by Silver Talkies Club Member Sutapa Dasgupta on creative pursuits and life journeys.
I'll talk about an unusual trek,
One that's long and hard.
It may not take you places but
The journey will be your reward.
An expedition that's one of its kind
Your life will change forever
Sometimes it seems endless,
Sometimes nearer than near.
It's a voyage of discovery
Full of secrets and mystery,
But you'll never ever find it
In any traveller's directory.
All it needs is faith and love
So put your fears away
For if you falter and doubt
You are sure to lose your way.
Be aware of who you are and
Ask what should be life's goal.
It is the journey within
that will illuminate your soul.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath,
Let it all begin.
Embark on a quest for truth
That ensures a life serene.
If a thought comes to your mind,
Follow it like a stream.
Meandering gently towards
The knowledge supreme.
The more you embrace the thought
The farther it will flow,
Be ready to glide with it
But leave behind your ego.
Obstacles will hinder your way
Distractions will clutter your mind.
But if you deviate from the trail
The truth will be harder to find.
Your eyes may be closed but your
Vision is clear and bright
It shows a straight and narrow path
That leads to a shining light.
Somewhere along the way
Your thoughts begin to fade
You lose your sense of time and place
Pure consciousness and bliss pervade.
A voyage of self exploration
Unearths a trove of treasures,
The sublime joy of finding oneself
Transcends all other pleasures.
There was a time I loved to write
But then my ideas ran dry.
Now I think why not pick up a pen
And once more give it a try.
I wrote about ordinary things
Of matters big and small,
Things that I cared deeply about
but others didn't see at all.
I learnt to bottle up my thoughts
And hid them deep in my core-
So much so one day it happened
I couldn't find them any more.
Change of scene, change of place
I started to write again.
This time I wrote about great leaders
And where they lived and when.
Why they did, what they did-
How they changed the world-
For young people to follow their lead,
Blazing dreams unfurled.
My own thoughts, they stayed within,
Thirsting to come outside-
Searching for a time and place
To burst forth like a tide.
That day is today, the time is now,
I've picked up a pen once more-
I'll surely find my long-lost thoughts
And give them wings to soar.
Images courtesy Pixabay
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well, and if you are a qualified subject matter expert, then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Going grey and getting the silver look is not an easy decision for all. But whichever way you lean when the greys start showing, what’s important is being comfortable in your skin.
And the silver in her hair shines in the cold November air…- Pink Floyd-The Gunner's Dream
Everyone should feel confident in their choices, including embracing natural colour or texture. Actor Jennifer Aniston, 53, the global icon for envy-worthy hair, told Vogue in a recent interview when the conversation turned to going grey.
Confidence in herself and the tedium of colouring prompted Pune's Dola Sen, 58, to stop colouring her hair over a decade ago. "I started greying early in my 40s. I loved colour and salon experiments, so I continued colouring my hair. It has never been about covering up my hair," she says. "My decision to stop colouring was based on convenience. We moved to a remote village for some years, and salon visits became infrequent. I realised I liked the slight white and black look and decided to stick to it."
You may have come across media articles like grey is the new black with terms like 'greying and gorgeous' thrown in. While more women globally are embracing their greys and going natural, it isn't always an easy transition. "There was a point during my grey transition when I almost gave up because my hair looked frizzy and patchy. If I had been in Pune instead of the village I was in, I'd have caved in and rushed to my hairdressers," Sen laughs.
Most people begin to get grey hair in their 30s and 40s. The hair follicles' pigment cells gradually die and cease to produce melanin, making grey hair a natural part of ageing.
Unfortunately, grey hair is also connected to ageism.
"I dyed my hair well into my 60s," says Sudipta Ghosh, 73, from Pune. "In my time, there was a lot of peer pressure about this. A bit of grey, and my friends or people who saw me would point out, you are looking old. My young kids would say ma, don't start looking like dadi!" Ghosh is saying this in the context of her daughter-in-law Bidisha's decision to go grey at 50. "There is much less judgement, and women are embracing their greys nowadays boldly. E are more inclusive now,” she adds.
Growing older can also mean reaching a life stage where you feel free of judgements and inhibition, despite our society being quick enough to label people by appearance.
Nyla Masood, 61, is a Mumbai-based costume designer and actor who also sees a lot of humour in going grey. She often gets mistaken for being much older than her years, given societal perceptions but takes it with a good dose of laughter. Masud feels her greys have increased her confidence. She wears it short and asymmetric, and the unusual style even got her a role in the Netflix hit Liftboy at 58. "Grey hair is now part of my look," she chuckles.
While women were and are still judged for going grey, with many looked upon as older or past their prime, men and their greys are looked at differently when their hair grows silver. "Sexy salt and pepper" and "silver fox" are some of the terms used to describe grey-haired men.
Think Richard Gere, Milind Soman and George Clooney, and you'll know what we mean. The stunning Nafisa Ali has hugged her greys close for the longest time, and actor Ratna Pathak Shah looks lovely in them. But you rarely hear complimentary terms applied to women who have gone grey. Only recently can grey-haired women be spotted in advertisements and popular culture without an allusion to their age, though the numbers remain small there.
No wonder then that for many women, the decision to go grey isn't easy.
British actor Dame Helen Mirren hit the nail when she told Marie Claire, "I think women were just so terrified of having white or grey hair because it immediately put them into a different category." Make greys a positive thing as opposed to a negative thing, she asserted.
Thankfully, we may be on that silver-streaked positive road.
Going grey is in vogue now, and hashtags like #silvergirls and #ditchthedye are frequently trending on Instagram. With older (and sometimes, even younger) female influencers flaunting their grey hair on Instagram, the misconception that grey hair negatively denotes ageing has been debunked. The idea is about welcoming and celebrating your age, whichever way you choose. As Aniston said in her interview: "If you want to go grey, go for it! If you want to keep colouring your hair, that’s great too. Hair is a creative way to express yourself, and I love that your mood and energy can change with the change of a hairstyle, cut or colour. Embrace whatever is going to make you happy."
How to care for your greys according to hairdressers:
Use a colour-safe conditioner and a hydrating shampoo. Ask your hairdresser for suggestions
Avoid extra heat exposure and chemicals
Avoid too many hair products. These can make your hair look limp.
Grey hair tends to be frizzy so invest in a good alcohol free anti frizz spray.
If you are just going grey but need to break into it gently, check with your hairdresser for babylights that merge lighter colours with your greys
If you colour your hair yourself, go in for lighter hues, as grey shades can stand out more as they reappear if your dye is very dark.
Here are 10 famous people who rock their grey hair!
What is your take on this "grey matter?" Share your thoughts with us below.
A unique fruit shop in Tokyo and its museum-worthy display is a curiosity worth a visit when in Japan.
During my second day in Tokyo, on a visit in December 2019, I met the 45-year-old Rajendra Prasad Challisse in his store Maya Bazar, the biggest Indian grocery store in Tokyo, two blocks across the road from our apartment. Since then, it became my adda for hobnobbing. Maya Bazar carried the wholesale and retail inventory of Indian spices, rice, flours, pickles, savories, sweets, and everything else an Indian needed in the kitchen. His customers include retailers, restaurants, and many Japanese residents from all over Japan. So that time, when you find it challenging to get even vegetable sandwiches, it was like an oasis in the desert for me.
Rajendra Prasad hails from Nepal. The title ‘Challisse’ was conferred on their ancestors by virtue of their ability to learn 40 slokas of Vedas in one day. He learned Japanese and got into tourism. Then cupid struck, and he married a Japanese woman visiting Nepal and migrated to Japan some 20 years ago.
In a casual conversation, I asked him why fruits are expensive in Japan.
“Which fruit?” he asked.
“Apples cost Rs.300 each,” I said.
He smiled and said: “If you think Rs.300 for an apple is expensive, you must visit the Simbekiya fruit parlor in Tokyo. It will make you rethink your perception of expensive fruit.”
My curiosity was stirred, and my interest was piqued. So, on the 15th of December morning, after visiting the Sensoji Temple (Tokyo’s largest, most colorful, and famous temple) and Tokyo SkyTree (the second-highest tower in the world), we headed for the 185-year-old Simbekiya Fruit Parlor in downtown Tokyo.
We were a little early and had to wait for the shop to open. A queue of people had already started to form. Once the store opened, we walked in and were dazzled by the entire in-store experience. An exquisite store that looked more like a high-end, fine jewelry outlet, with sharply dressed, sophisticated staff eager to educate and serve visitors on their unique offerings. Their offerings were precious alright, ‘jaw-droppingly’ precious:
There are times when you are not quite sure whether you are shopping for fruit or jewelry.
They tell me that a Sheikh from the Middle East comes in his private jet every month and takes home whatever fruit is available in that season.
Japanese use it as a dessert, not a snack, maybe because it is sweeter than sweet. Founded 182 years ago, Sembikiyas specialize in deluxe gift boxes and baskets, which account for 98 percent of its sales. Fruit destined for gift-giving at this level must be perfectly ripe, delicious, and flawless in appearance. If you are interested in knowing the scientific methods, skills, and labor that go into cultivating this delicious speciality fruit, may visit the Sembikiya website: www.sembikiya.co.jp/lang/en
Sembikiya fruit was beyond our means. We were happy with the apples at Rs.300 each available in the shop across the road, which almost looks similar. If I walked down the street some 200 meters to another vegetable vendor, I could get it for Rs.200 each without compromising the quality and taste. On the brighter side, each apple in Japan weighed half a kg because of the high water concentration, as all other fruits do - juice drips at every bite.
Is there a unique travel experience you would like to share with us? Share in the comments below or email us on connect@silvertalkies.com
All images courtesy: Ramana Sista
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humor and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
October 1 was celebrated as the International Day of Older Persons. As we celebrate age and its many dimensions this month, watch this space as we bring you stories of courage, care, making a difference, and resilience.
Caregivers often lose quality time with the person they care for, burdened under their daily tasks. Rose Gordon on how to ensure the chores don't wipe away your shared memories and precious time together.
Laura is 86 years old. She has just been admitted to hospice services. In my spiritual care and grief counselor role, I am meeting her for the first time today to see how the hospice can best support her and her family. We are seated on the small porch of her room, attached to the home of her daughter Gloria and Gloria's 4-year-old son, George. The porch faces an apple tree laden with ripening apples. Sunlight streams through the green leaves and splashes onto part of the porch. Gloria has brushed Laura's shoulder-length silver hair and tied it back with a blue ribbon.
I comment on how the blue ribbon matches her lovely blue floral shirt. "Blue is one of my favorite colors", Laura remarks in her slow speech that will become more halting as her Parkinson's disease advances. After exchanging pleasantries, I ask Laura what brings her joy. She replies, "I like the sunshine, and my grandson is a very funny boy. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for my daughter and her support."
We talk together for about 45 minutes. It starts lightly, and then she tells me about her childhood in Europe during the end of WWll - the hunger, her parent's disappearance, and how she cared for her two small siblings. "I was just seven years old myself," she says. When the sun gets too hot for her, we move into her simple room. Parkinson's makes her movements careful, slow, and stiff. I listen, nod my head and maintain eye contact, so she knows I am listening. Then, when she seems tired, I stand to leave. She stands, too, maintaining the dignity of her role as hostess. "May I give you a hug?" I ask. "Oh yes, yes. I'd like that", she replies.
Our next visit is much shorter. I've heard that Laura tires out faster. At first, the sun is too hot, then the shade is too cold. I drape her shawl over her shoulders, but we decide to move inside. She drops into her chair. "My body tells me when to move, so I must," she declares as she stands up. Her hand is trembling, and she seems unsure what to do next. I know it's time to leave, and I stand up to move toward the door.
"Thanks for letting me visit today. I can see you are tired. I hope the rest of your day goes easily," I say. "I could use a hug", she says, still standing in the middle of the room. I am pleasantly surprised! She is initiating this contact.
"I'm delighted to hug you," I reply, and we embrace lightly.
Later in the afternoon, I call her daughter. "You're doing a great job caring for your Mom," I tell her, "she is so grateful for that. So happy to be with you. And she mentioned loneliness to me today and asked me to hug her before I left. I know you may not be a huggie family, but that request touched me."
"Oh dear, we have never been a hugging family", Gloria says. "I am just so tired and busy with the house and George and taking care of things, and I have health issues too, and I sometimes don't take the time to just be with her."
“I understand. This is a very busy time in your life. There is no criticism in this, Gloria.” I reply. “Loneliness is a very common experience for elders. Sometimes all it takes to turn that feeling around, for both of you, is to find even a few minutes a day to be a daughter again... Sitting on the porch chatting and watching the grass grow!”
A March 3, 2020 study published in the Journal of American Geriatrics Society concluded that “lonely older people may be burdened by more symptoms and be exposed to more intense end-of-life care compared to non-lonely people. Interventions to mitigate loneliness during the vulnerable end of life period are necessary.”
Personally, I’ve noticed over the years of my work that caregivers often can get lost in a role that is focused on changing sheets on the bed, counting out medications, reminding our mother, father, husband, or wife to eat or drink more water, take a shower, things like that. Our relationship as daughter, wife, or husband can slip away as we focus on filling the pillboxes, doing another load of laundry, and preparing a meal that is barely eaten. All those tasks are important, and our relationship is also more than that. It's about sharing memories, expressing our love for each other, the dreams and hopes, up and downs we’ve shared, and the fun times we’ve had together. Without maintaining that relationship, elders often feel lonely or miss being hugged or touched.
Beneath all the tasks that need to be done, running like a quiet but powerful river, is the awareness elders and caregivers each have about the changes they’re enduring- whether from age or disease - and the mostly unspoken grief about what they have lost and the final loss that is approaching. "This is a precious time, Gloria. It can be frustrating and challenging - heartbreaking, exhausting, and often overwhelming. And it's also a time when we are closing the circle of our relationship with this loved one. May I share some ideas with you that might comfort your mom and fill the gap? "
What practical things did I share with Gloria that might be useful for you during this precious time with your ill or ageing parent or spouse?
Find the ways that work best for you and your loved ones. Let laughter and easy time together bring life to the situation; let it lighten the load.
Images courtesy: Rose Gordon and Pixabay
Liked this story? Would you like to share your own experiences with caregiving in the comments below?
For more on caregiving: Is caregiving a woman's job?
Silver Talkies Club member Preeta on children flying away from the nest called home. An emotion many of you may connect with.
The nest is empty, doesn’t feel right
My Baby Birds have taken flight
Debris from the years that mattered
Like broken eggshells lie scattered
I watch them fly with pride and joy
My little girl and baby boy
Echoes of arguments, laughter and tears
Fading back into long gone years.
Bags packed with love and lessons that matter
Of honesty and life and things that don’t shatter.
Have fun, be bold
Let life unfold
Do what’s right
Be kind
Most setbacks
Will end up fine
Take that leap
In all good faith
But have your safety nets in place.
Love and read
Dance and sing
This is your time
So do your thing!
But oh so loud the hushed silence
Seems to me a harsh penance
If only I could draw them back into my arms
And enjoy again their baby charms!
But….this is not a time for regrets or fears
As they soar and shine among their peers
Now only memories to browse and cherish
From a love that can never ever perish!
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a special chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us on connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Books open up our world in more ways than one. Here are five books that talk about India's struggle for freedom, the Partition of 1947 and the post-independence years.
Knowing our history and the numerous narratives that led to the dawn of August 15, 1947, is essential. Now, more than any other time, it is important to understand history from many viewpoints to comprehend how India attained Independence. Here are five books that talk of life and the world around the time of Independence, in fiction, non-fiction and with an eye on every age.
Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie: You can't have a list without this one. It is considered an absolute masterpiece by Salman Rushdie, who was viciously attacked in New York just a few days ago. Midnight's Children is the story of Saleem Sinai, the narrator of this book. Born at midnight on August 15, 1947, the book is about his fate intricately linked to his country. It's also about the mystic abilities that connect Sinai to the other midnight's children of India, all born in that first hour of freedom. In 1981, the book received both the Booker Prize and the James Tait Black Memorial Prize.
Indian Summer: The Secret History of the End of an Empire by Alex Von Tunzelmann
This book chronicles all the significant political people and events that led to the partition of India. It demonstrates how a small group of people's decisions completely altered the nation. Because it discussed the relationship between Jawaharlal Nehru, India's first prime minister, and Edwina Mountbatten, Lord Mountbatten's wife, the book was controversial.
The Integration of Indian States by VP Menon: This is for the factually oriented reader. VP Menon was the personal secretary to Sardar Patel. One of the most fundamentally significant challenges the Indian government faced following Independence was the amalgamation of the 554 princely kingdoms with the Indian state. The book details the negotiations Patel and Menon carried out with each of these states and might interest those with a keen eye on administrative history.
The Chowpatty Cooking Club by Lubaina Bandukwala: Suppose you are a grandparent wishing to give the young ones a window into children's lives during the freedom struggle. In that case, the books from the Songs of Freedom series (Duckbill) make a great choice. In the Chowpatty Cooking Club, set during the Quit India Movement, three children fervently wish to participate in the freedom struggle and revolution brewing around them. The author weaves in actual historical elements such as an underground people's radio that broadcasts news hidden from the British, student rebels and secret codes. It's a book for children that adults are likely to love too!
The Great Indian Novel by Shashi Tharoor: Shashi Tharoor's debut novel is a fiction that retells the great epic of Mahabharata. It's a political satire that draws parallels with major events in India's political history during the freedom movement and in the post-independence era.
Every August, Silver Talkies records memories and instances of humanity, fortitude, and courage during the Independence Years; stories of life in a newly independent India; crossing over during Partition, and finding freedom. You can find these stories here & here.
Decade-old medical files. Crockery never unpacked. Décor pieces collecting dust. Clothes that no longer fit. An overdose of woollens, shawls or blankets from the time you lived in a city with harsh winter. Books lovingly bought but never read. Unused kitchen utensils. Sift through the drawers and cupboards of any Indian home, and you will likely find an overdose of clutter.
We love collecting things. Sometimes for practical reasons, Sometimes for convenience, Sometimes for comfort and memory. And it seems to be a national sport.
A 2016 IMRB and online marketplace OLX study surveyed that Indian homes have over $11.7 billion worth goods that haven't been used in over a year. Ninety per cent of the respondents in the survey reported stocking up on goods. Indians aren't the only ones cluttering up their homes. A Los Angeles Times report once said that an average American home had about 300,000 items.
Little wonder then that decluttering and tidying are now become much-used buzzwords and after the Japanese expert Marie Kondo, even profitable careers! Getting rid of what no longer "sparks joy" saves space and can be highly therapeutic.
Decluttering can be especially useful for older adults who may wish to live in smaller apartments with minimal items for the ease of cleaning and chores. But, simultaneously, one woman's clutter could be another woman's gold. So we asked professional organiser and decluttering consultant Aanchal Kejriwal to tell us how to define clutter.
Clutter would be the things that occupy space in our drawer, attics, bed storages, and garages that we don't use or that don't serve any purpose, she said, categorising it into two things:
· Things that we don't love
· Things that are serving no purpose in our lives.
Why should we declutter? Kejriwal says the reason lies in those "happy hormones when we get rid of all the unwanted stuff and create a happy environment around us." A 2019 BBC article quotes Sophie Scott, a cognitive neuroscientist at University College London. She says tidying up and decluttering work as rewards, increasing the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine, the brain's pleasure chemical. There are enough studies to show how clutter connects with mental health issues. Research has shown its links with the stress hormone cortisol and lower productivity, depression and insomnia.
Indian homes, with their many wardrobes and the inevitable store rooms, are often a declutterer's dream, though getting started on clearing up an overflowing space can be a daunting task. Here are some tips we culled out from experts:
When you want to declutter, close your eyes and picture the kind of space you want to create. That is the first step.
The second step is to start decluttering. But avoid taking on a massive project and getting overwhelmed. Instead, start with a small corner of your house. For instance, pick up a medicine cabinet or a small work drawer.
How do you remove unwanted items? Pick up each item and start asking if you are using it currently. Are you going to use it in the next six months? Is it something that you love? As Marie Kondo's KonMari effect is famous for prompting: Does it spark joy in you? If it does, it's probably worth the keep!
Kejriwal warns that we need to be ruthless while doing this exercise.
"There are lots of things like showpieces or photo frames that are not serving a purpose, but they make us smile. We keep many things at home even if they don't make us smile because we have invested money in them. But we need to understand one simple thing. The money we have invested in it is already gone, and now it's just occupying space. So if it is not serving a purpose, nor making us happy, what is the point of holding on to that object?"
o The third step in your decluttering journey is categorising every item - such as kitchen utensils, purses, and clothing.
Once you have categorised, it is time to assign each item a place. The trick is to think of the first place you would look at if you lose that item. For example, if the drawer in the console at the entryway is where you always look for car keys, that is the right home for them. Kejriwal says that once we have organised, we need to maintain it by always keeping the item there. So organising is a continuous process.
Our clothes often take up the maximum time to sort and keep organised. They are also sometimes the hardest to give away. Deepthi Kala, a senior citizen who has moved 14 homes thanks to her husband's stint with the army, shared a few tips on ensuring you declutter your clothes.
Kala is now permanently based in Pune and takes on clothes decluttering exercise for herself every year. "In casual, everyday clothing, I keep aside anything that doesn't fit me anymore or that I haven't worn for more than a year because it wasn't the right buy. I have a donation box handy, and that's where these go."
We all keep some clothes for sentimental reasons, no matter how old, faded or unwearable they may be. "Once I turned 60, I pledged to let go of at least five old items each year. This year I donated my wedding saree to a charity that uses old clothing to make blankets."
Kejriwal says organising a wardrobe could initially seem daunting, but a few simple items can help you channel your inner organiser. Here's her go-to list of accessories that will ensure your wardrobe sparks joy:
* Velvet hangers with thin handles. Similar types of hangers help you optimise space. These are often available on Amazon at reasonable prices in bulk.
* Baskets to categorise items easily like leggings, lingerie, dupattas or other small things and make your wardrobe look neat.
* Multifunctional drawer organisers to make compartments in your drawers and keep smaller items neatly stored.
And while we can channel our inner organiser the way we are best comfortable, sentimental items can be another story.
It would help if you were somewhat ruthless here too, but differently. "How many times do you revisit your old, sentimental possessions? Do you open and see them every day? Once a month or every few months? If you do, then it is worth having it as a keepsake forever. "Most of us don't revisit sentimental items at all. We simply store them somewhere. So if you have a space constraint, you need to ask yourself if you are really enjoying those items if you haven't revisited them and perhaps declutter," Kejriwal adds.
Decluttering can help you create a neat, easy-to-maintain and happy space. It can also be a calming, mindful activity. So if your home looks like it could do with a good clean, perhaps it's time to give it a go.
Do you love to declutter different areas around your home? Share your tips with us in the comments below.
Photographs: Pixabay; Unsplash
Whether you have a huge apartment or a tiny balcony, home gardening is always one of the best ways to bring greens and flowers indoors. Here are some easy expert tips.
Gone are the days of having the luxury of a spacious garden or a big farm to flaunt your gardening skills in the heart of the city. While a handful of us may be lucky enough to enjoy the privilege of the countryside or have enough space within our city homes, most of us are bound to apartments that leave us with no other option than a balcony, rooftop and interior home garden. However, that shouldn't weaken your green finger and spirit. All you need to know are some tricks to help you better care for your home garden.
Shivani Kapoor, an environmentalist and nature lover, shares some valuable tips on home gardening.
Here's what you must keep in mind while prepping up a home garden.
How much time you can invest in caring for your home garden: You must be realistic when it comes to home gardening and decide on the time you can make for taking care of your plant babies. "If you have time just once a week, choose plants that survive without much care or with infrequent watering," says Kapoor.
Identify the kind of sunlight at home: Before setting up your home garden, determine the type of sunlight your home receives - is it the strong sunlight or the soothing morning sunlight. If indoors, is it a well-lit space with natural daylight or indirect sunlight? Is it at a distance away from the window or a dimly lit corner? "The type of plant you choose must depend on the type of sunlight your space gets," she says.
Your planter matters: This is something most of us tend to overlook, but the size, quality, and look of your planters play an essential role, believes Kapoor.
Identify the right soil: You must learn to point out if the soil you are using is of good or poor quality, and based on that, you need to find ways of enhancing the soil quality.
Over-pampering your plant can kill it: Too much of anything is not good, and so is the case with over-pampering your plant babies. Over fertilisation and overwatering can damage your plants and even kill them.
Remember, no plant can grow without light: All plants would need sunlight to thrive. Some can grow in the shade, and some need bright light. The degree of light required for each plant can vary. Hence, it is an excellent idea to sun or air all your plants once a week.
Stale air damages your plants: If your plants aren't getting fresh air, there is a higher risk of damage. Stale air from air conditioning (AC) within the home can damage your plants more than lack of sunlight. Thus, keeping your plants exposed to fresh air is always necessary.
Top tips for having a healthy home garden
Kapoor shares the best hacks to grow a healthy home garden that makes you proud:
Red flags of home gardening.
If you are a newbie, you may not be aware of certain red flags indicating damage to your plants. So how do you know if you are going the right way? "If you find your plant has too many soft yellow leaves, it indicates you are overwatering, and you must stop immediately; otherwise, the plant could die. But, on the other hand, if you find too many brown and wrinkled yellow leaves, it indicates underwatering, and you will have to water that plant more frequently," says Kapoor.
Did you know?
Syngonium, Pothos, ZZ, Snake Plant and Snowwhite Aglenoma are the easiest to maintain indoor plants.
"Home gardening can be a great healer, especially among older adults. It is a gentle exercise and keeps your mind and body active. Raising a plant keeps you engaged and engrosses you with its growth journey. Green is soothing. A healthy green surrounding is in itself calming," says Kapoor. Follow these tips, flaunt your home garden and heal yourself.
Silver Talkies has a thriving Gardening hobby group called The Green Thumb for our members who are plant parents. It is one of the many hobby groups we have -- from books to quizzing and astronomy. These hobby groups are free for our members and often become lively discussion spaces to share news and pictures of your hobby. To know more or join us as a member today, visit: https://silvertalkies.com/community.html
All images courtesy: Pixabay
How Transactional Analysis offers an insight into human behaviour
Transactional Analysis is an interesting study of human behaviour. This subject offers a complete information about different types of human behaviour, satisfactory reasoning to some of the inexplicable sudden outbursts of normally calm persons and analyses hidden implications of complicated interactions. Moreover, it has expanded into other realms of our lives.
Let us analyse a few interactions we face in day-to-day life.
A housewife is busy cooking breakfast and arranging lunch boxes for her office-going husband and school-going kids. Suddenly her neighbour rings the bell and asks for some sugar in a bowl. Despite being busy, the lady asks the neighbour about the bowl that she had given her two days back. The neighbour says that it must be somewhere at home, but now she wants sugar urgently and if a person can’t help a neighbour who else will? Finally, after some more small talk, the neighbour has her way and borrows another bowl with the sugar, murmuring to herself "One day I will have a set of bowls from you!".
In another instance, we can recollect another typical morning conversation -- A husband is busy getting ready to go to the office and the wife is busy in the kitchen work. The husband asks his wife to get him the car keys immediately as he is getting late. The wife jokes saying that keys must be there wherever he dumped them yesterday. The husband's voice goes up every moment, while his wife keeps joking about the missing keys. Finally, the angry husband takes a taxi and goes to the office. He later realises that he may have left the car keys in the neighbour's house on the previous night when he met him.
If we analyse the behaviour of people in the first case, we can conclude that the neighbour was dictating like a parent to a child, while the housewife was reacting responsibly.
In the second case, it is clear that the husband was also acting like a parent ordering his kid, while the wife was responding childishly. Here also we can deduce those futile interactions of this type would go on and on unless it is checked.
In Transactional Analysis, which is a fascinating study of communication and behavioural patterns, such behavioural patterns are called the Ego States.
There are three Ego States, and there are varieties under them. A parent can be an encouraging, nurturing parent who ignores any small irritations and supports his child. Or a parent can also be a critical parent who is always demanding from the other person irrespective of his age. Interestingly in child behaviour also there can be two types -- Natural and Adaptive. A natural child's ego and personality are full of confidence and interactions with others are in a comfortable way irrespective of the other's age or position. Whereas an adaptive child's personality shows submissive nature and a lack of confidence in interacting with others. The role nicely played by Jugal Hansraj in the film Masoom matches an adaptive child personality.
It can be deduced that when a person operates from a particular Ego State for a long time, he tends to develop a typical behaviour most of the time.
1. Thus if a child predominantly shows adaptive child behaviour all the time, even after growing up, it may develop a submissive character. This is likely to lead the child to have an inferiority complex even after growing up, apart from harbouring a feeling that he or she is not competent to be in society. This personality trait is named as--- "I am not OK you are OK".
2. It is easy to analyse a person as -- "I am OK you are not OK" when he or she can manage others comfortably with their dominant behaviour for a long time i.e. mainly Critical Parent type.
3. From the above it is easy to define-- " I am OK you are OK" type when a person has been regularly playing the Adult role of being analytically balanced in dealing with others after being a natural Child.
4. The last type--- I am not OK you are not OK type personality is a suicidal mentality. A person due to his childhood experiences, compounded by similar bitter experiences later in life develops a view that he is unfit to be and continue in society.
We may also come across a person unreasonably and abruptly getting upset with another for no apparent reason. The sudden eruption of the person is attributed to a theory called Collection and cashing Stamps in T A. A person may have suffered at the hands of many people in many instances, -- in his house, on the way to the office, in the office with the boss and colleagues etc. The built-up emotions of frustration and anger are finally unloaded on the poor lift boy when he shouts at him for no reason at all while he goes out of the office. On the other hand, if a person remembers good feelings, of success in his job, kids' good performance, getting a promotion etc, he may tend to cash in his accumulated happy feelings by going on a pleasure trip with his family.
Nowadays marketing techniques are revolutionalised by playing on the imaginations to trap clients. We usually come across a free gift of 1 Kg of salt or sugar for the purchase of goods of Rs 5000. This is with an Ulterior motive to appeal to the 'child ego' of the clients successfully. For a moment many customers who do not apply their adult faculty to analyse the cost-benefit are trapped if they look at the "GIFT" part of the ad only. Like that TA has successfully analysed various types of transactions naming them Complementary, Crossed and Ulterior Transactions.
Now TA has come to stay and is often used by psychiatrists. A practical guide to TA is the book 'I am OK you are OK' which was written by Thomas Anthony Harris (1910- 1995) an American psychiatrist. This is a small introduction from me to the vast subject of Transactional Analysis.
If you wish to learn more about Transactional Analysis, click here to read an interview of Anna Chandy, counsellor and top Transactional Analysis practitioner by Sandhya Rajayer, writer and mental health therapist.
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humour and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Did you think Instagram was a place only for the young? Well, it’s time to think again.
With over one billion active users in a month, Instagram is where popular social media is at. What started as a photo-sharing app is now a place to share information, promote your hustle or hobby, plan an offbeat vacation and thanks to reels – even bring out your inner performer. With over 180 million users, India has one of the highest numbers of Instagram users, most of them in the age group of 18-24 years. And while numbers are important, it doesn't mean older adults are staying away from the app. In fact, many Indian older adults are popular Instagram influencers breaking ageing stereotypes. In 2018, the BBC ran an article calling popular older adults on Insta ‘granfluencers’ (We are not big on the term as not every older person is a granny). Despite the massive focus on youth, top older Insta influencers had a 24 per cent increase in their followers, the article said. And no surprises there. Older influencers on Instagram often bring us a different (and very real) view of age, keeping us hooked to their posts.
Here's our list of 10 Indian older adults rocking Instagram.
Ravi Bala Sharma
https://www.instagram.com/ravi.bala.sharma/
Dancing her way into our hearts, 63-year-old 'Dancing Dadi' aka Ravi Bala Sharma has 187,000 followers and growing! Sharma took to the stage to fulfil her late husband's wish. A video of Sharma dancing the bhangra shared by singer/actor Diljit Dosanjh made her account famous. But Sharma thinks beyond follower numbers. “For me, the follower count is just the number of people who love and appreciate my art. I try to put out videos regularly with the help of my son who edits them for me,” she told The Hindu. She often does dance collabs with younger people, including her children. What you take away from those videoes is her infectious energy, bright smile and the belief that it's never too late to shine!
Manjri Varde
https://www.instagram.com/manjrivarde/
We absolutely love this 'Sassy Saasu' who currently has 132k followers and more. We also love how she has been turning ageism and relationship stereotypes upside down. Watch her boss it up with her crazy collection of boots, dish up some undhiyo or pav bhaji, create fun reels with her daughter in law Sameera Reddy and be the doting grandmom squishing her adorable grandkids. Want to know more? Read about her here.
Dinesh Mohan
https://www.instagram.com/dinesh.mohan.58/
Depression and thoughts of self-harm. Overweight and health issues. Lack of direction. Dinesh Mohan, 63, has gone through many personal battles to become a successful senior model with over 300,000 Instagram followers. Looking at him it's hard to imagine he weighed over 130 kgs at his lowest point. His is a story of determination and effort as Mohan worked hard to get his mind and body back in shape. Read about him here.
Neena Gupta
https://www.instagram.com/neena_gupta/
You have to hand it over to Neena Gupta, actor par excellence and redefining bold since she became a single mom by choice to daughter Masaba way back in 1989. Gupta made heads turn with her performance as an older woman dealing with pregnancy and the society around her in the 2018 comedy grosser ‘Badhai Ho.’ She also wrote her no holds barred autobiography ‘Sach Kahun Toh.’ Her Insta account is hugely popular with 9,00,000 followers and more and reflects Gupta’s bindaas style, whether dressed in casual travel shorts, kaftans or something designed by her daughter.
Senguttuvan Subburathina
https://www.instagram.com/sengut2006/
Senguttuvan Subburathina, 72, turned chef after retirement to help his wife with daily kitchen chores and fuel his passion for cooking. He has since then been the senior-most contender in 2021 SunTV MasterChef Tamil, making his way to the top 24 out of over 1500 contestants and becoming a food influencer on Instagram with over 14K followers. He told us how he did it!
Seema Anand
https://www.instagram.com/seemaanandstorytelling/
Seema Anand describes herself as a sex health educator and storyteller. Her striking good looks and that glorious silver hair may catch your attention first but what will keep you hooked to Seema Anand's pathbreaking, ageism shattering Insta account are the discussions around sex and how she demystifies it. She has discussed how older adults can have a better sex life; contraception myths and knowing your body better. Anand completely shatters the image that an older person cannot talk about sex and has an account that is a must-visit to know about pleasure, both for the young and old.
Rajini Chandy
https://www.instagram.com/rajinichandyofficial/
The boss lady that she is, Rajini Chandy wears her success lightly and speaks her mind. In her 70s, she is sure to live her life just as she wants. "I don't know how many hours I have left, let me enjoy them," she told us once in a live conversation. Besides keeping herself fit, Chandy learns the drums and acts in ad films and films. She has even launched a YouTube channel to inspire other older adults. An OG in every avatar, watch her shatter a few glass barriers in this live interview with us.
Vijayalaxmi Chhabra
https://www.instagram.com/vijayalaxmichhabra/
Love saris? Would you like to know more about textiles and Indian fabrics? Join the 50,000 plus followers Vijayalaxmi Chhabra has on Instagram. The former director-general of Doordarshan is a saree influencer now and has an enviable collection. To follow her is to learn the history of saree weaving from different parts of India. Her well thought out posts also give an insight into the lives of working women in the 70s and 80s and the importance of education and discipline, which seems to have been a hallmark of an older India. Read more on her here.
Nafisa Ali
https://www.instagram.com/nafisaalisodhi/
Few people radiate the joie de vivre actor and former swimmer Nafisa Ali exudes. Her 100,000 plus followers think so too. Even while undergoing treatment for ovarian cancer, Ali’s Insta account was a mix of positive reflections, gratitude and love. She shared her journey with courage, surrounded by her family and care. We saw her recently vacationing in Australia with her mother and brother. Hats off to her positivity and recovery.
Harish Bali
https://www.instagram.com/visa2explore/
Harish Bali is a travel blogger. With 40,000 followers and more, Bali is a much DMed person now with people asking him for travel tips. He is a good source for information on travelling around India and the local food, including must not miss sights. From Katra to Kanyakumari, Bali has covered it all. Check out his straight from the heart account.
Cover image courtesy: Rajini Chandy
Are you an Instagram user? Tell us your favourite people among the older adults out there in the comments below.
Is the summer heat getting to you? Follow our member Madhu Gulati’s guide to a relaxing holiday in the lake district of Kumaon
We went to Sattal in the Kumaon region during the Dasara holidays in October 2021 with our grandchildren. Known as the lake district of India, Sattal translates to seven Tals or lakes namely Nal-Damyanti Tal, Hanuman Tal, Garud Tal, Sita Tal, Ram Tal, Laxman Tal and Purna Tal. The lakes are said to be interconnected freshwater lakes and fall in the Nainital district, Uttarakhand, the name we all know.
Over to our holiday now. We flew to Delhi and the next morning reached Kathgodam by train. From there it was a taxi ride to our cottage in the hills. The lake views were reserved for the next morning. A very beautiful and calm lake, the colorful boats at Sattal Lake make for a lovely way to experience the serene waters. There are accessible hiking trails, with a good mix of oak and pine forests for company. There are options for adventure sports too like a 3-in-1 Zipline that I did with my husband Ashok and granddaughter Rhea. It was fun even though we got wet and did not have clothes to change into.
One day, we hired a taxi and went to Mukteshwar, Satkol, Sitla Estate, Chauli ki Jali and Bhimtal. According to folklore, during the Pandavas' 12th year of exile, they couldn't find a water body to quench their thirst. Legend has it that Lord Bhima hit the ground with his mace, due to which an underground source of water came out and formed a lake called Bhimtal. Naukuchia Tal or the lake of nine corners is only four km from Bhimtal. It is famous for a variety of lotuses.
Mukteshwar is famous for rock climbing, rappelling, and many other adventure sports. There are cliffs hanging out from the hill and overlooking the valley below. There is one cliff with a big hole and that is called Chauli ki Jali. Mountains are full of legends and this one says that women who are not able to conceive should pass through the hole on a full moon night to be able to conceive. There is a Shiva Temple which is 5500 years old and is said to have been built by the Pandavas. Our next stop was Sitla Estate which is a 150-year-old house with a warm kitchen and cottages overlooking the mountains.
The next day we went to a Himalayan Ashram in Satkol. It is in a beautiful golden valley among orange groves and whispering willows. Sheeba, our daughter Kanika’s friend has a home there and treated us to lunch.
Sheeba is involved in the conservation of forests in that region and her home was very beautiful in the middle of a forest. On our way back, we shopped for local fruits, spices, and Pahari Rajmah (Kidney beans), among other things.
This was a holiday to soak in nature. Our cottage was on a hill and we could see the sunrise in the morning from the front and the sunset from the back. We loved walking around the area, taking in the calm, and listening to the birdsong.
Sattal, Bhimtal, and Naukuchiatal are not places with a big list of attractions. But it can be a great holiday destination as you find solitude walking on the serene and enchanting trails in the midst of nature. It can be a very relaxing and peaceful time spent with the family, just like it was for all of us.
Images courtesy: Wikimedia Commons and Silver Talkies Team
Calling our Members to Write for Us!
Silver Talkies Members get a unique chance to get published with us. We welcome travelogues, family recipes, memoirs, oral history accounts, short stories, poems, humor and personal essays, tips on living well and if you are a qualified subject matter expert then your thoughts on your chosen topics as well. Email us at connect@silvertalkies.com to know more!
Are you a grandparent trying to get your grandchildren started on a reading habit? Children’s author Lubaina Bandukwala shares some tips.
It’s a competition. A competition for the heart and mind (and attention) of a child. Video games, outdoor games, television, social media, YouTube, books – all this and more saying to a child, ‘Watch me! Play me! Listen to me!’ And in all this cacophony, a book’s softly spoken, ‘Read Me!’ seems to get a bit lost.
What can we as adults do to help children enjoy books? Here are my quick tips for different age groups.
Note: Picture books are not just for kids
A picture book is one in which the illustrations are an important part of the storytelling. While some picture books are for toddlers, others are books that may have a lot of visual content but might be more suitable for older kids (in fact people of all ages enjoy picture books). While choosing picture books for younger kids, try books with rhythmic text alliteration and participation books that ask a question like Brown Bear Brown Bear by Eric Carle or Excuse Me is this India by Anushka Ravishankar. Some of the most fun reading sessions can come from sharing wordless picture books like Priya Kuriyan’s Ammachi’s Glasses, Canto Jimo’s Snip or Aaron Becker’s Quest trilogy. Children can tell the story in their own words and in any language – and add their own understanding of it!
Finally, when looking for picture books, get those with brilliant art – remember not all kids may like to read, but some may become immersed in the art – and thus seek more books like those to read. Hence, mission accomplished!
Do you share stories and favourite books with your grandchildren? Share with us in the comments below.
Images courtesy: Pixabay
Silver Talkies Culture Trail Series brings you lesser-known gems from our cities. Did you know that Mumbai has the second largest collection of Art Deco buildings in the world after Miami? Here’s a quick tour.
Think Art Deco, and you think of Miami, Paris or New York. Mumbai, the commercial hub of India rarely comes to mind. But did you know that Mumbai has the second largest collection of Art Deco buildings in the world after Miami in the USA? Or that the Art Deco structures in Mumbai are unique enough to deserve their own term - Bombay-Deco?
In July 2018, UNESCO added the Art Deco Buildings of Mumbai to the World Heritage List. The beautiful buildings around the Oval Maidan and the airy promenade of Marine Drive were the two South Mumbai precincts awarded the heritage distinction, the result of a long and unique campaign by deco enthusiasts, heritage conservationists and resident groups, coming together to preserve a legacy.
Mumbai’s Art Deco goes beyond Marine Drive, spilling across neighbourhoods in Mohammed Ali Road, Dadar, Matunga, Bandra and going up to Chembur in the Eastern part of the city. Atul Kumar of Art Deco Mumbai, a documentation and advocacy non-profit, pegs the number of Art Deco buildings across Mumbai at 646. Kumar is a finance professional who lives in an Art Deco building himself and felt the need to preserve and document its unique heritage across the city.
The term Art Deco, or 'art decoratifs' is a way to describe a style of architecture, design and fashion that emerged in France in the 20s.’ "It is a melding of numerous styles that come together," says Kumar. He generously mentions some key features you can look out for in an Art Deco building:
The Rise of Bombay Deco
As fascinating as the Art Deco heritage of Mumbai is the grim history of its rise. The rise of Art Deco in Mumbai owes its origins to the devastating plague of 1896 and the Spanish Flu that followed in 1918, says Alisha Sadikot. She runs the Inheritage Project, which encourages public engagement with Mumbai's heritage resources and conducts walking tours.
The Art Deco renaissance in Mumbai came about in the 1930s. The city was recovering and rebuilding from the deadly plague that had devastated it so the British created the Bombay Improvement Trust to make a cityscape with a better sewerage system and decongested housing. "Bombay is a port city," says Kumar, "So it became the trading outpost in Asia for the British Empire. Many Gujarati and Parsi families who were traders and ship merchants became prosperous and wanted to build new homes. Along Marine Drive plots of land were available for sale. The first set of Indian architects was also going to the Royal College of Art in England and visiting France. They were all exposed to this new extravagant, elegant, forward-looking style, called Art Deco. The ships they travelled in were Art Deco temples. So they had an aspiration of building homes and designer neighbourhoods with this modern style. They also had this magical new building material called cement concrete, which made this possible. All of this came together to create Mumbai’s Art Deco."
While the Victorian Gothic structures like High Court or Station built by the British were imposing grandeur statements, Art Deco was all about contemporary lines with elements of openness. Led by Indian patrons and often Indian architects, the Art Deco movement was an early sign of resistance to the British, still a subject of much debate among experts.
From Empress Courts and Windsor Manors, newer buildings gradually started being called Bharatia Bhavan and Sekseria Building or Soona Mahal. Indian motifs began making an appearance on building facades like the diya or swastika.
What also emerged was confidence in a new India that was coming up. An example of this is the New India Assurance Building in Fort with huge life-size Indian agrarian representations like hand carts and women in saris. The nearby Art Deco Lakshmi Insurance Building has a copper statue of Goddess Laxmi on top.
Mumbai’s Art Deco heritage is a legacy of new thinking that went beyond just a better cityscape to incorporate ideas of an emerging India during the British rule. While the UNESCO heritage tag has protected the Oval Maidan and Marine Drive precinct, Art Deco structures around the city are in danger of being demolished for redevelopment purposes. Kumar thinks advocacy can go a long way in creating awareness and a sense of pride in this unique legacy. We hope so too!
Where To Go For Your Art Deco Tour of Mumbai
Mumbai's Art Deco aesthetic spread beyond private residences to public spaces such as movie houses, cricket stadiums (Brabourne Stadium), office buildings and even spaces of worship. Here are some Art Deco gems around Mumbai.
The Karfule Petrol Pump, Ballard Estate: Mumbai's only surviving Art Deco petrol pump, it's been in service for 80 long years!
NM Petit Fasli Agiary, Churchgate: Designed in 1937-40, this Parsi fire temple is an Art Deco beauty with its towering entrance, golden Gujarati lettering and imposing Egyptian sculptures in the entrance.
Cotton Exchange Building: Cotton Exchange Building, which is now a jewellery market, is notable for the beautiful bas-relief that wraps the building façade, chronicling the journey of cotton, from fields to trade and showcasing India's rural life.
New India Assurance Building: Built in 1937, the building truly brought about a sense of 'new India.' Lifesized figures flank the façade while the sculptural reliefs show Indian field workers and farmers.
Shiv Shanti Bhuvan, Oval Maidan: Striking in its yellow and green colour scheme, Shiv Shanti Bhuvan looks over Oval Maidan, towards the Victorian Gothic structures on the other side.
Soona Mahal: You couldn't have passed through Marine Drive in Mumbai without a second glance at this beautiful structure that houses the popular Pizza by the bay restaurant and is the perfect example of Art Deco's streamlining element.
Regal & Eros Cinemas: Both are closed now. These marked the golden age of Art Deco construction in Mumbai in the 1930s. Regal was the first air-conditioned theatre in India.
Taraporevala Aquarium: Marked with Art Deco features like Ziggurats - stepped pyramids similar to a tiered cake and bas relief that evokes underwater life, this is a visually striking building.
Dadar Parsi Colony: Curved balconies, tropical motifs, artistic lettering, ziggurat pillars, and Deco residences mark this colony.
All photographs are courtesy Art Deco Mumbai.
Enjoyed this Art Deco tour with us? Share your favorites or discoveries in the comments below.
It wasn’t an easy journey for India’s earliest women doctors who stood up to patriarchy and more.
Being a doctor is considered to be a prestigious profession now for all genders. Many women doctors are voices of authority on several crisis issues. But what was it for a woman to become a doctor around 150 years ago? Author and freelance journalist Kavita Rao’s book, Lady Doctors: The Untold Stories of India’s First Women in Medicine, tells us that it took an extraordinary amount of courage, determination, and fire in the belly to face assault, social ostracization, public shaming, and lack of acknowledgment for the brave women who chose the path.
Rao’s meticulously researched book brings us the unheard struggle of six Indian women who had that fire. In an interaction with Silver Talkies members’, she explained why she chose them and told their story:
Dr. Anandibai Joshi: In the 1880s when women were considered capable of only raising children and doing household chores, Dr. Anandibai Gopalrao Joshi became the first Indian lady doctor to finish her studies in western medicine from the United States. With encouragement from her controlling husband, Gopalrao Joshi, she became the first Indian woman to study overseas. She participated in the medical program of the Woman’s Medical College of Pennsylvania in 1883 and at 19, began her journey to become a doctor. At 21 she graduated with an MD in obstetrics and even received a congratulatory message from Queen Victoria on her success.
Explaining what makes Joshi stand out, Rao says, “In those days it was a taboo for a Brahmin woman to travel overseas because that meant she would lose her caste. But she stood up in front of the town hall and asked permission from the community to go. She refused to give up her custom, she refused to eat meat which many people consider as the cause of her early death as she could hardly find any vegetarian food overseas. She used colonialism and evangelism to get her education without letting go of her norms.”
Dr. Kadambini Ganguly: Not just the first practicing lady doctor in India, Ganguly was also the first Indian woman to pass the University of Calcutta Entrance Examination.
She was the first woman to join Calcutta Medical College to study medicine in 1883 within just 11 days of her marriage to Dwarkanath Ganguly, her mentor, and avid supporter. In the 1880s, medical colleges were not open to women. Kadambini came and broke the door down for women in Calcutta Medical College. Following her admission, Calcutta Medical college started admitting students who were women.
“At that time the general belief was how can women attend classes with men as that would distract men? How can women attend anatomy classes or surgery as women are delicate? It was Ganguly who proved that women could do dissection and more, breaking stereotypes. However, she hasn’t written a word about herself which is disappointing because her struggles are so inspiring and worth an autobiography. That’s possible because she was a mother to eight children and simultaneously was practicing medicine which was a huge responsibility, no doubt,” says Rao.
Dr. Rukhmabai Raut: This firebrand sued her husband to escape child marriage at a time when divorce was absolutely unimaginable. She stood up against Hindu conservatives like Bal Gangadhar Tilak for her actions. The landmark legal case involving her marriage ultimately contributed to the Age of Consent Act in 1981. She had the most challenging journey so far, says Rao. “Bal Gangadhar Tilak belonged to the Pune conservative school of thought and did not approve of a woman leaving her marriage for education and Raut had to put up a very tough fight against him.”
In 1894, Raut received her Doctor of Medicine from the London School of Medicine for Women and became the second practicing lady physician of India. In 1895, she returned to India and worked as the Chief Medical Officer at the Women's Hospital in Surat and also established the Red Cross Society in Rajkot.
Dr. Haimabati Sen: “She wrote an entire memoir on her journey of becoming a doctor and for nearly a hundred years, it was lost in the bottom of the trunk. It was written in the 1880s and was translated from Bangla only in 2011. Nobody, including her family members, thought it was important to preserve such a treasure. In India, most of such significant historical accounts are not archived and that is more common when it comes to achievements of women in science,” says Rao.
Sen’s journey from a child widower to a physician is indeed exemplary. In her memoir, she writes, “Do I have to suffer all this simply because I am a woman? Would anyone have inflicted so much suffering on a man? Why are they so worried as to whose wife I am or whose daughter?” Sen was a pathbreaker as she took medicine to rural India. She wasn’t a very qualified doctor but she played a remarkable role in making medicine accessible to the villages - an issue with which we still grapple today.
Dr. Mary Punnen Lucose: She was denied admission for science subjects at the Maharajas College, Thiruvananthapuram for being a woman. As Indian universities did not offer admission to women for medicine, she moved to London encouraged by her doctor father and secured MBBS from the London University, the first woman from Kerala to do so. Mary returned to India in 1916 and went on to have a trailblazing career. In 1938, she became the Surgeon General, in charge of 32 government hospitals, 40 government dispensaries, and 20 private institutions. She is reported to have been the first woman to be appointed as the surgeon general in the world. She was the founder member of the Indian Medical Association and Federation of Obstetric and Gynaecological Societies of India (FOGSI). In 1975, she was awarded the civilian honor of Padma Shri by the Government of India.
“She was pro-science, very much in favor of modern medicine, believed in compulsory vaccination, and wanted the government to allocate more money to scientific medicine,” says Rao. This, was at a time in the late 1920s when a majority of the country did not believe in vaccination.
“She faced a lot of opposition from the male legislators who believed vaccination wasn’t a necessity and it was in fact harmful. For her to stand for the cause of vaccination when vaccination wasn’t even heard of was an amazing thing,” says Rao.
Dr. Muthulakshmi Reddy: An Indian medical practitioner, social reformer, and Padma Bhushan awardee, Dr. Reddy had a number of firsts to her name. She was the first female student to be admitted into a men's college, the first woman House Surgeon in the Government Maternity and Ophthalmic Hospital, the first woman Legislator in British India, the first Chairperson of the State Social Welfare Advisory Board, the first woman Deputy President of the Legislative Council, and the first Alderwoman of the Madras Corporation Avvai Home.
“Dr. Reddy was more than just a doctor. She played a significant role in India’s Independence; she helped shape public policy for women and health in the 1920s. In her memoir, she mentioned that she didn’t want to get married at first but eventually got married to a person who was very encouraging in her late 20s. She also writes that when she had children it became very difficult for her to balance her family and work alike and she even advised women doctors to not get married,” says Rao.
While the life of a woman in medicine is much smoother now, women still struggle with work-life balance and often need to juggle several odds to move ahead in their careers. Happy Women’s Day to all these spirited women, doctors, or mothers, who are working and fighting every day to make a mark.
Do you have a story of pathbreaking doctors and other career women in your family or among your loved ones? Share with us in the comments below.
Photograph courtesy: Wikimedia Commons & Pixabay
Are you addicted to Wordle? Worried it may soon go behind a paywall? Here are some Wordle spin-offs to keep you going after solving the day’s puzzle or when a paywall pops up.
Unless you live in one of the world's remotest and inaccessible corners with an extremely patchy internet connection, chances are you haven’t escaped the daily grid of yellow and green boxes that have filled our Internet timelines. We are of course talking about Wordle.
Haven't tried Wordle yet? First of all, congratulations. You are either truly off-grid or one of those original ‘going-against-the-grain’ types. Even so, being the Wordle evangelists that we are at Silver Talkies, here’s how it works: Wordle players get six attempts to guess the five-letter word of the day. Log in to https://www.nytimes.com/games/wordle/index.html and guess your first starter word, which has now become as much a thing as sourdough starters were during the height of the pandemic. Depending on whether the letters used exist in the answer or are in the right place (as shown by coloured grids), you continue guessing for six tries. Unless you are one of those lucky ones, who get it right on the first try-- a rooftop-shout worthy achievement. Once done, you have the easy option to share your spoiler-free Wordle score with fellow addicts and the world on social media.
Created by Josh Wardle as a pandemic game for his partner who enjoyed the NYT crossword and other word games, Wordle is a viral sensation that’s given many of us a fun morning distraction. It works the brain and has also become a way to stay connected as the pandemic drags on and pulls us all collectively down, with a war playing out in the background now for good measure. Wordle has become a welcome five-minute (ok, sometimes much more) respite from obsessive doomscrolling, household chores and the morning rush for many of us, sending us down a rabbit hole of best five letter words, vowel combinations and eliminations.
By now, everyone has their own theory of Wordle’s immense global popularity. British psychologist Lee Chambers credits it to the fact that it stimulates language and logic processing areas of our brains and releases dopamine, that much-needed shot of well-being. Then there is the social aspect of it. Washington Post columnist Molly Roberts called it ‘Togetherness in solitude’ as the ongoing pandemic has meant consistent loneliness and the need to find something to connect with family and friends as we used to, without a screen or mask between us.
Wordle allows us to win a bit of that togetherness every day, Roberts wrote in her beautiful essay.
Meenakshi John, 63, agrees. Wordle is her new way to say hello to her teenage grandson who lives in another city, even if it’s the only exchange they have during the entire day. “It’s a good way of reaching out to a teenager I don't have much in common with anymore.” Part of the charm also lies in the fact that you can’t solve the next Wordle immediately and need to wait until the next morning or 12 am if your addiction level has peaked.
Does all that problem solving and social engagement improve our brain’s plasticity? While we await the verdict on that, there are enough studies that prove the benefits of solving word puzzles.
A study in May 2016 assessed the link between 14 cognitive measures (sustained attention, information processing, among these) and word puzzle solving in over 19,000 adults between 50 and 93 years. On each measure, regular puzzle solvers did much better than those who played occasionally or never.
Now that the New York Times has purchased Wordle, regular players are rather perturbed by questions on top of everyone’s minds. Would everyone’s favourite morning routine go behind a paywall soon? How then would we debate the best starting words? Discover best letter frequencies? Or declare that we aced KNOLL and (humble brag here) even CAULK?
All good things come to an end and though we don’t wish for it, perhaps Wordle may become another word game we remember to play occasionally someday. But that doesn’t mean the world of word games will dry up. They’ve always existed and now thanks to Wordle we now have some intelligent spin-offs that will ensure our brains stay active for quite a bit. CHECK out our list of more brain teasers to SOLVE and don’t forget to THANK us later!
Quordle: Not happy solving one Wordle a day? How about four? Try Quordle. You get 9 chances and this is an addictive toughie.
Absurdle: Absurd enough to try but fun nevertheless, Absurdle prunes its list with each guess, making the game go on longer. A once try for sure, especially if you have time to kill.
Nerdle: This one is for all Math geeks. Nerdle is a Math puzzle and you have to try to guess the problem and the solution within six tries.
Crosswordle: This one combines the game of crossword with Wordle. The best part? Unlimited guesses!
Worldle: A geography-based spin-off that is becoming as popular as the original.
Wordle archives: This one is remembrance of Wordles past. Want to try the very first Wordle? Or every previous wordle you may have missed? It’s time to visit this one.
Are you a Wordle player? Do you play other word games or puzzles? Let us know in the comments!
These photo apps can restore your old photos and preserve precious memories.
We all have to dust old photo albums with cherished memories of our youth. I can remember how my mother, while staying at my grandparents’ house, would open one of the old wooden cabinets and pull out a thick textbook like album. She would open it with all excitement to show us photos of our grandparents as young children and the childhood photos of my brother and myself.
Old photo albums are priceless possessions that help us walk down memory lane and get back to our golden past. However, there is a major problem that we all face with our old photo albums. These photos can start to deteriorate, get discoloured and even fade. Many of us move homes often and these albums may even get lost. But now we can prevent that and keep our cherished memories intact, thanks to technology by converting these images into digital formats.
Here are some apps to preserve your precious memories.
Colorize
This app allows you to turn your old black and white photos into coloured ones. By simply placing your photo on a clear background, you can use the app to click a picture of the photo. Once you have done that, the app will do its magic and add colour to your picture. This app provides both free and membership options. With the membership option you can colour an unlimited number of photos.
This app is rated 4.7 stars on the app store. You can install it for free from Google Play Store and App store and can use it on Android and iOS.
Links to download:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.photomyne.colorize&hl=en_IN&gl=US
https://apps.apple.com/dk/app/colourise-colour-to-old-photos/id1464665765
Before photo:
After photo:
Google photoscan
This app allows you to digitize your old photos while maintaining their original features. This app is free to use. All you must do is place your old photo on a flat surface and then open the app and snap a picture of the photograph. After that the app will show four dots on the picture. Hover your photo to each of the dots until the dots turn blue. That’s all and you’ve successfully digitized your photo.
This app is rated 4.7 stars on the app store. Both iOS and Android users can use this app.
Links to download:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.apps.photos.scanner&hl=en_IN&gl=US
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/photoscan-by-google-photos/id1165525994
Video tutorial link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIlTztx-NM8
FamilySearch Memories
This app allows you to store your old photos and add more memories to them. Imagine you have a photo of your first birthday party. With this app you can store that photo along with a title to that photo . You can even store an audio recording of yourself describing that precious moment for up to 5 minutes if you want your next of kin to experience that photo in detail. This app is free to download.
This app is rated 5 stars on the app store and is available for Android and iOS users.
Links to download:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.familysearch.mobile.memories&hl=en_IN&gl=US
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/familysearch-tree/id885982973
Adobe scan
This is a free to use app which can be used to scan your images and store them in a pdf format rather than a jpeg. This app is very simple to use. When you open the app, the camera option will open and then you can hold your phone over the photo. This app will click the photo and will allow you to crop the edges. It will then store the image as a pdf and give you the option to add more photos to the pdf if you want to. This app too is available for both Android and iOS users and can help you preserve your old photos well.
Links to download:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.adobe.scan.android&hl=en_IN&gl=US
https://apps.apple.com/in/app/adobe-scan-pdf-scanner-ocr/id1199564834
Video tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nECxS0G11WE
Photo digitisation has now become a trend and these easy to use apps have made it convenient for older adults to try their hands on photo digitisation. This not only helps you relive your past but also can be a great post-retirement hobby.You can try out these apps and share your photo digitisation experience with us in the comments section below.
These exciting gaming ideas will make your Christmas merrier, even indoors.
Christmas is a time when families often come together for that annual meet and greet. Apart from all those food-laden tables, mirth and laughter, a mix of family games could add to the joy and fun. Here’s a list of fun Christmas games for the family.
Christmas Trivia: 12+
Minimum no. of players: 4
If you want to have a light-hearted family game where everyone can participate, this one's for you. The website you can use to host this game is Kahoot. Kahoot will allow you to create your own online trivia game where you can create multiple-choice questions. If you aren't up for creating a game Kahoot already has a varied array of pre-built Christmas games which you can host. Kahoot is free to use. Once you have started a game, Kahoot will send you a pin that you can share with all your family members. Once they open the Kahoot website and enter the given pin, you can begin the game. Have Covid related travel restrictions meant a Christmas party on Zoom? Kahoot can help with that too!
Where to find: https://kahoot.com/
Heads Up: 10+
Minimum no. of players: 2
This game can be played with stick notes or with the Heads-Up app. The game is simple: two players sit opposite each other. One person has a sticky note placed on his forehead with a name on it. The other person must give clues to the person to guess the person’s name who's on the sticky note. The roles are then switched, and the person who guessed the name the fastest wins. If you don't have sticky notes at home you can play the game using the Heads-Up app available in the App Store and Google play store. The app is free to use but has a few in-app purchases for specific themes.
Where to find: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/heads-up/id623592465
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.wb.headsup&hl=en_IN&gl=US
Head or Tails: 1+
Minimum no. of players 6
For this game, all you need is a quarter. One family member will be the coin tosser and all others will surround him/her in a circle. Then the coin will be flipped and everyone has to either touch their head or their back to indicate whether they think the coin will land on heads or tails. Whoever guessed wrong will be eliminated and the game will continue until one person remains.
Bingo
10+
Minimum no. of players 6
Using https://myfreebingocards.com/numbers/1-75/edit to generate free online tickets, Bingo can be played at home if you can print these out. There can be four levels: vertical row, horizontal row, diagonal and blackout( full house). A player who has won one round cannot play again.
Carolling challenge 5+
Minimum no. of players 4
This is a fun game that needs no props and can be played with friends and family while streaming on Zoom or Google Meet. The game begins when one person starts singing a line of a song, then the person to their right has to sing the next line and this continues until a person can sing his line. To keep the song competitive and ongoing it is recommended to sing Christmas themed songs known to many.
Never have I Ever Christmas Edition: 18+
Minimum no. players 2 but recommended 6+
This game is very simple, all members should sit in a circle. All players should have a glass of hot sauce (or something else that suits your spice tolerance level safely) in hand. One player begins by saying ‘Never have I ever — ‘. If a person in the circle had done what was said then they must take a sip from their cup, continuing the game on to the person on the right. The game ends when one person has finished his or her glass.
(E.g) Never have I ever - been snorkelling or Never have I ever - made besan ladoos.
Name the Christmas song: 8+
Minimum no. of players 6+
This is a very simple game that just requires a phone and speaker. All players are divided into two teams. There is one moderator who has the phone and is tasked with playing the Christmas songs. When the game begins, the moderator will play five seconds of the song chosen. The teams will then shout out if they know the song, if the correct song is guessed the moderator moves on to the next song, otherwise he will play another 5 seconds and continue this process until one team guesses the song. The game can be played with any amount of songs, and the winner will be determined by the team who has the most number of songs.
Author Usha Rajagopalan remembers working with the legendary V Kurien
I was at crossroads that December of 1982. Newly married, I had taken a short break as Editorial Assistant at the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad to accompany my husband who had just joined the Institute of Rural Management at Anand. My dilemma was whether I should return to the assured position in IIMA or resign and, living in Anand, pursue the still fluid plan of becoming a creative writer. I decided to find out by writing an article on Dr. Kurien, the famed Milkman of India. He was kind enough to give an appointment and I went fully prepared to take his interview. For that whole one hour, he spoke and I listened, wide eyed and mouth half open in complete awe. At the end, he asked me if I would like to work in his office at the National Dairy Development Board (NDDB). My dilemma ended, solved by a completely unexpected third option.
I joined Chairman’s office as Junior Executive in February 1983. Almost immediately, my senior colleague left on maternity leave and I held the fort alone, seeking help constantly from Dr. Kurien’s personal secretary, Mr. Krishnamurthy. I needed all the assistance I could get because I had never met anyone like Dr. Kurien. The office timing was from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. I would reach a good half an hour earlier to prepare for the day that invariably ended only by 7.30 p.m. He would come early too, take out a slip of paper from his pocket on which he would have jotted down the important tasks to be done and shoot a fusillade of instructions. He ended up doing far more than any list could contain. At the age of 62, he had a punishing regimen. He was a perfectionist and a taskmaster who expected the same from his subordinates. I could match the hours he put in but it was impossible for me to think of 20 steps ahead or to look at an issue from so many angles like he did.
Dr. Kurien worked all seven days though NDDB followed a six-day week. At the end of the year, the employees received a card on which the days of their absence were marked. Mine, in the first year, showed one day marked red. I was sure I hadn’t taken any leave and checked the calendar. It turned out that I had indeed applied for and taken one day off – a Sunday. A year or so later, through Mrs. Kurien’s intervention, Dr. Kurien agreed not to come to office after lunch on Sundays. I was able to leave too though invariably it would be 3 p.m. or later
Occasionally, after finishing work, he would ask me to accompany him to the IRMA campus which was coming up next door. He took great pride in the project and inspected the hostel buildings, the auditorium, office complex and the faculty and staff quarters. He once stopped in front of a house at the end of a line and asked, ‘What do you see, Madam?’
I looked closely and saw nothing amiss.
‘The switch box is not straight!’ he snapped.
Once I worked up courage and asked Dr. Kurien for a day off for Diwali. I wanted to invite some friends over for lunch.
‘What cooking do you know? What special dish will you make?’ he asked.
‘A payasam at least,’ I replied, standing my ground.
‘It better be good,’ he said. ‘I’ll come to taste.’
Oh yeah? I thought but didn’t dare say it aloud.
By then, we had moved to the spacious IRMA campus, ironically to the very same house with the ever so slightly tilting light switch that Dr. Kurien had got straightened.
The next morning, my husband and I bustled around cooking and cleaning the house. Around 11 a.m., the doorbell rang. Interrupted from chopping vegetables, my husband opened the door. Mrs. Kurien stood outside and wished sweetly, “Happy Diwali!”
She didn’t blink an eyelid at my husband’s appearance, checked lungi, bare chested and knife in hand. Dr. Kurien was sitting in the car with a distinct sparkle in his eyes.
Only those who worked with him knew the softer side of his personality which surfaced unexpectedly. One evening he peeped into my cabin as he was leaving office and said, ‘You know I’m going to Trivandrum tomorrow morning. Do you want me to tell your parents anything?’
‘It’s all right, Sir. Don’t bother. You’ll be busy and won’t remember.’
He insisted that I give him my parents’ telephone number. Even before he returned from his travel, my father called in great excitement to say that Dr. Kurien had telephoned him, enquired after the family and had said that I was doing well!
Dr. Kurien worked harder than anyone I knew but he also took the time for basic courtesies such as replying to letters promptly or thanking people, especially those who had met or hosted him during his travels. On his first day back in office, he would dictate a letter of thanks to his secretary, Mr. Krishnamurthy, addressed to each one of them and invited them over so that he may reciprocate their kindness. He was a stickler for punctuality and demanded it of others. Like all leaders, he had the gift of the gab and I would see visitors come under his spell like I had the first time I met him. Working with a legend like Dr. Kurien was a privilege not given to many. I just happened to be one of the lucky ones. Perhaps not so fortunate because other than the rich experience and very many memories, I do not have a single photograph with Dr. Kurien. I regret this with all my heart.
P.S – in case you are at all curious to know why I resigned from his office – I did so to be a full time mom and to keep writing.
This article first appeared here. It has been republished in Silver Talkies with the author's permission.
Photos courtesy: Ms Nirmala Kurien
Author photograph: Aditi Mahesh
Our member Hari Baskaran and his wife Deepa went on a driving holiday to Spiti Valley. He tells us how it helped to revive their spirit after months of the pandemic.
In August 2021 my wife and I went on a driving adventure to Spiti Valley and Manali with a group of senior citizens. Kaza is approximately 770 km from Delhi via Shimla and approximately 200 km from Manali. It was a fascinating and memorable adventure and a very welcome break after being cooped up at home for a year and a half due to the pandemic. Besides the sheer magnificence of the Himalayan Mountain ranges, this trip helped my wife and me break away from a nagging sense of fear and anxiety. We got back our mojo and regained our spirit of adventure.
In the months leading up to the expedition, there were heavy rains, flash floods and loss of lives near the areas we were to visit. Many well-wishers advised us not to go ahead as it was far too dangerous. Most travelogues and blogs also described some sections of the route as treacherous and a challenge for the most experienced of drivers. Besides, we had to cope with high altitudes. Senior citizens beware, is what they said.
Nevertheless, our intrepid group of senior citizens fed off the energy of each other and went ahead undaunted.
What followed was an unforgettable experience of a lifetime. The Himalayan ranges are awe-inspiring and the scenic beauty takes your breath away. The ancient 1000-year-old Buddhist monasteries were a delight. They house several valuable and ancient scriptures, artefacts and mural paintings. The little villages en route had eating places that offered wholesome food in memorable surroundings. At times the roads were in poor condition. Some sections were truly torturous and easily the worst roads we have ever been on. This added to the thrill and adventure and made it an unforgettable experience.
Why should senior citizens participate in these arduous events?
Besides the bragging rights, it brings you a whole host of benefits. Let me stick to the top three in this post.
These observations are backed by the studies (a special report by The Harvard Medical School - A guide to cognitive fitness) of several specialists in the field of eldercare.
Preparing for a Spiti Valley driving adventure
Clothing: We travelled light but carried layers of clothing to cope with warm and cold conditions. Warm innerwear, a light sweater, a fleece jacket and a warm jacket were more than adequate for us. The coldest temperatures in August were at night at Nako and Kaza where it dropped to 7 degrees. Day temperatures were around 20 degrees.
Medical kit: Besides sufficient quantities of our regular medicines, we carried contingency medicines such as paracetamol, anti-loose motion tablets, broad-spectrum antibiotics and Diamox for the prevention of high altitude sickness. We took a tablet of Diamox for a couple of days before reaching high altitudes. My wife developed mild symptoms due to high altitude sickness at Kaza but recovered immediately with Paracetamol. Staying hydrated is most important. Our highest points of stay overnight were Nako and Kaza at about 3600 metres. During the day we visited places that reached altitudes of about 4500 metres.
Stay and food: We had no problems locating decent places to stay at all our night halts. No prior bookings gave us the flexibility to change our plans at any time if it became necessary. There was good wholesome food at dhabas along the way and at our places of stay.
Type of vehicle: The roads were reasonably good at several places and very good at some places. The Losar – Kumjun La – Gramphu stretch was a bad one with dirt tracks and poor quality roads whenever we went off the highway. An SUV or 4-wheel drive with good ground clearance should be the vehicle of choice to do this trip. You are likely to hire a rented chauffeur-driven vehicle or hire a professional driver to drive your car. Here are some tips to help you ensure that you are well prepared for a long car journey.
https://www.team-bhp.com/safety/preparing-indian-road-trip
Electronics: A mobile phone camera is more than adequate. Reliance Jio had the best connectivity in the Spiti Valley so carry a Jio sim in addition to your usual sim. Carry a power bank and all your charging cables.
Finally take along oodles of high spirits, a willingness to take the rough with the smooth and an open mind for adventure and you will love this journey.
All photographs are courtesy Hari Baskaran.