My Grandmother, My Inspiration

On Grandparents' Day, Faris Kakkodi writes about the inspiring life story of his grandmom who inspires him to be a person with grit and determination.

Born in 1941 in a small village called Upukulam which is now known as Ponani in the rural outskirts of Calicut, Kerala, my grandmother, Fathima Beeran Koya, was the oldest among seven children. Growing up in a rural area that didn’t contain the basic pleasures of life we experience today, her life revolved around school and tending the fields with her siblings. In the evenings after school, she would sit by the river with her younger sisters while her brothers and boys from the neighborhood would play football nearby. 

My grandmother’s mother was the daughter of a local landowner. She had received quite a bit of land which she and the ladies from nearby houses would tend to in the day. Her father was a local school teacher and quite respected for being one of the few intellectuals in the small village. 

Fathima Beeran Koya, Faris' grandmother

In those days, prior to Independence, childhood usually lasted for only about twelve years for most Muslim children in rural areas, after which marriage was seen as the next step. My grandmother however was quite a rebellious child. She decided to pursue a high school education with the support of her father, while all her other siblings got married early, in their teens. 

Life was unconventional in some ways for my grandmother from the start. There were few Muslim students when she was in high school and most of them wore head scarfs. My grandmother didn’t and was often mocked by her fellow classmates for this. She would not bother about it and take it in her stride. As a child from a middle-class farming family, she grew up sharing chores, games and meals with the poorer families in the neighbourhood. A simple banana porridge is the morning meal she remembers. As she got older, several household tasks fell on her. She would get up early in the morning, draw water from the well, water the plants in the farm, have some tea before heading over to school. Money was tight in this simple farming household and after her mother fell ill during her 10th Grade, my grandmother, being the oldest, was forced to care for her siblings. She failed 10th Grade the first time due to this but managed to clear with the support of an aunt who decided to take care of the household chores. My grandmother pursued her classes, determined to clear all the papers and did. 

Around the time my grandmother was about to complete Grade 12th, a friend of her fathers suggested nursing. It was a completely unknown field for a family that had mostly been in farming and my grandmother faced resistance from traditional family members, including her parents. She was already 18, too old for a girl to stay unmarried in those times and parents too who wished to see her married. Undaunted and rebellious as ever, my grandmother took a bus to Calicut and enrolled in the Calicut School of Nursing with dreams of having a better life. She was the first female college graduate in her family!

The nursing school brought about more than independence to her life. It also steered her in the direction of her companion. At school, my grandmother became friends with a girl called Liala and a boy called Mohammed. During her second year of nursing, Mohammed passed away due to typhoid. Heartbroken, Liala and my grandmother collected his clothes from the hospital room to send them along with his body to the family with the help of the hospital staff. 

And that’s how she met Berran Koya, my grandfather and Mohammed’s older brother. He had got Tuberculosis (TB) earlier but had recovered miraculously. When they first met, he came and asked my grandmother for an injection. Gradually, he started coming regularly, making up several excuses to meet her. He also started sending her letters under various names. 

The couple decided to get married but there were a number of hurdles they still had to overcome. Koya had suffered from TB and was still under ongoing medical care and my grandmother’s parents opposed the relationship, including going to the court to get a restraining order. It was unusual for a Muslim woman in those days to be in a relationship and there were enough taunts from neighbours and others around her about it. 

Seeing the problems surrounding them, the couple postponed their marriage but continued staying in touch. My grandmother finished her nursing degree and starting receiving many marriage proposals, including from many wealthy families. 

But she stayed firm in her wish to marry my grandfather, standing up to her parents and the society at large with a strength that is praiseworthy for the times she lived in. Finally, after her family had pressured her enough to accept marriage proposals as she quietly supported my grandfather through his illness and operations, my grandparents were engaged with support from Berran Koya’s brothers. They got married in a year’s time. 

Faris' grandmother with his aunt and father

Life wasn’t easy as my grandfather kept falling ill but the struggle to be together and the love they had for each other kept them working through it together. Soon they had two children, my aunt first, followed by my father.

When I used to live in the US as a young child my grandmother seemed very typical - the grandmother who would bake cupcakes and visit us once a year from India. But, as I moved to India I slowly saw her in a different light: as a strong independent woman, a caring mother and a loving wife, things I would have never learned about talking to her on the phone. I had always heard snippets of her life from my grandfather and herself when we would sit outside on the balcony and talk. As I now have had the opportunity to hear her story in full I feel a sense of pride and responsibility after listening to how she overcame many struggles and achieved the success she did.